I help teams collaborate constructively, to work smart together. It means training them in positive teamwork theory and creating the environment of trust so that they apply what they learn.
Knowing what to do and doing it are two different stories!
To do this, I lead workshops and create “Aha! Moments” of self-discovery where participants realize how their behavior impacts other people.
- “You mean when I say, ‘Whatever!’ it gets my manager really frustrated?!”
- “You mean, the way a person listens determines the kind of information the other person shares?!”
Once they have grown in self-awareness, we move on to learn tools to build both performance and connection.
Knowing what to do and doing it are two different stories!
Nike says, “Just do it.”
Even the Vice-Dean of Sciences Po business school, Olivier Guillet, calls for action. In his interview, he recounted the incident when a philosophy professor sought business advice. The insights he needed to hear (know what you can control, act on those, don’t sweat the rest) were those he taught in his Introduction to Stoics class! He had not transposed his knowledge into the situation.
This story resonated with me as I notice a similar trend in my trainings. People love to learn. Applying the learnings are more of a challenge!
How can we accompany folk in translating a fascinating concept into a helpful new mode of operating?
Some people refer to this as moving concepts from the head to the heart.
Albert Einstein also talks about this phenomenon. He challenges us to step into a new kind of thinking: we cannot resolve our challenges by applying the same reasoning that created them.
“We cannot solve our problems with the same thinking we used to create them.”
Albert Einstein
Avoid getting lost in translation
Confusion
Changing our behavior is like learning another language.
Speak a Foreign Language
The first stage is confusion and discomfort. We are out of our comfort zone!
To translate this into business terms, we might wonder why bother even learn about emotional intelligence or constructive collaboration skills. It is unfamiliar vocabulary…and you have lived without it until now.
Most of us lived without romance…and then it swept us off our feet.
Translate from Theory-Wise to Street-Smart
Let’s consider the foreign language of listening. Listening to our colleagues, our bosses, and our clients.
Most of us think we do it well…until we have a mirror-like experience. That is when we discover that instead of asking open-ended questions, we make inquiries that can be answered with “Yes’ or “No.” Or we think a colleague is rude and interrupts and we realize that in our moments of enthusiasm we cut her off in mid-thought.
Until we open ourselves up to feedback, there is no realization that there might be a better option.
One Phrase
Next, we can manage using one new relationship tool in a specific situation. It’s like knowing one sentence in a foreign tongue.
Speak a Foreign Language
I recall being in a French boulangerie (bakery) and an American tourist walked in and very carefully pronounced the sentence he had practiced, “Je veux une tarte tatin.” (“I would like a‘tarte tatin.’”)
The baker responded, “Hein?” (“What?”) before she understood the words spoken with the unfamiliar accent. Then she rattled on in French about how he had chosen the right bakery for this French delicacy because theirs was definitely the best. And so one and so forth.
The tourist gave her a blank stare, took a deep breath, gathered his strength, and responded, “Je veux une tarte tatin.”
Translate from Theory-Wise to Street-Smart
In a training context, this likens to situational activities or role plays where we simulate a typical professional interaction. Participants are engaged and learn. Yet they refer to a skit; this is not about them.
One exercise consists of five types of listening: distracted, critical, and eventually to active listening. Learners can name the listening styles, yet they do not realize how they listen under varying circumstances.
First Exchange
At the close of my trainings, I ask learners to share what they will put into practice. Many pause, almost with surprise. It is a moment when they realize they attended the workshops looking for tips to change other people (!). They are invited to alter their own behaviors. Yikes!
Be prepared to not get “it” right the first time. As one start-upper called it, “Test and try.” He did not say, “Practice in front of the mirror, record yourself ten times, then test it.” Get into the discomfort zone and learn so that next time it will be easier and smoother.
The biggest change is more about deciding to change yourself than in applying any one specific tool.
Speak a Foreign Language
It is like going to the bakery and using sign language to point to various desserts and asking, ”Café? Caramel? Chocolate?!” and with your fingers indicating that you’ll take two, please (smile and make a happy face). The purpose is to communicate and move forward. Forget the perfect phraseology.
Translate from Theory-Wise to Work-Smart
In my trainings, learning is enjoyable and engaging. It is also for a purpose. Which relationship do you want to take to the next level of trust and cooperation? What will you test and try?
Conversation
After practice and repeated efforts, we learn fluency. This applies as much with new modes of behavior as it does with a foreign language. When we learn to drive a car, it is hard to light the turn signal and focus on the road. Soon it becomes automatic.
Speak a Foreign Language
I have been living in Paris more than half my life. People no longer ask me, “Do you think in French or do you think in English and translate your thoughts?” It’s now a non-issue.
Translate from Theory-Wise to Work-Smart
At the start, it will feel awkward to listen differently. In fact, when we first try to change the way we listen…we usually don’t change!
And yet, we become aware after the fact that there might have been an opportunity for a different outcome to a conversation had we managed our side in another way.
We might then ask trusted team members to provide a feedback loop. “If I talk before I listen, let me know.”
With practice, we recognize the cues on our own and learn to adapt even while during a conversation. We learn to put aside that super-interesting thought we wanted to share soooo badly and concentrate on what other folks have to say. We even notice that team members may be more intelligent that we had previously thought!
Practice might not make collaboration perfect. It sure makes teamwork more productive and enjoyable.
And the person who looks back at us in the mirror SMILES.