Child convincing argument

Why We Need to Teach our Children to Disagree Well

A recent Harvard Business Review article entitled “Why We Should Be Disagreeing More at Work” by Amy Gallo received 3500 + likes on LinkedIn and generated 1400 comments.  The focus of the article and the remarks center around the value of diverse opinions to stimulate learning and innovation. 

Wouldn’t you like your child to become a professional who contributes to progress and creativity in his or her workplace?!

Reality Check – Disagreement in “Real Life”

Here is what happens in many homes when kids disagree.  (And even at work too.  Replace the word “parent” with “boss”)

Many parents fear chaos.  Mutiny.  To be avoided at all cost.

And many parents respond with control.

Control anger and emotions.  Control kids’ behaviors.  Control oneself.

Yet underneath we feel out of control…and under increased pressure, we lose our temper.  We lose control.

Benefits of Disagreement

Gallo acknowledges similar tendencies in many workplaces and challenges managers to allow open communication, even disagreements, as they benefit the workplace through

  • Better solutions
  • Improved relationships
  • More sense of belonging
  • Greater happiness

Parents, wouldn’t YOU like a home with smarter solutions, stronger relationships, sense of belonging, and happiness? Of course!

An Every Day Example

Instead of a morning rush out the door with stress for everyone, your family morning routine became smooth and joyful THANKS to the challenges your child had in getting ready.

Before parent and child disagreed over the morning routine.  Mom wanted to get out fast.  Child dragged his feet.  The previous “solution” had been a nagging parent…which is no fun for anyone.

To open up communication regarding this disagreement, the family brainstormed ways to organize mornings more effectively.  The children came up with a wacky solution that they love and you, the parent, would not have imagined: “We want a fun wake-up song.  Can you sing “Happy Day” to the tune of “Happy Birthday” to us every morning?!”

And it works! Now, it’s a delight to leave home for school on time AND with a smile.  

The children feel so proud to have devised this new plan; they know their ideas are heard and valued. Home is a happier place…thanks to disagreement!

How to Make Disagreement Positive?

1. Start with…YOU

What is YOUR attitude?

Many parents consider disagreement to be a failure.

Let’s re-examine that.

Do you REALLY want your children to think exactly like you?  How will they be able to grow into positive contributors to society in an ever-changing environment?


Try re-framing. CONGRATULATIONS!  Respectful disagreement means you have taught your child to think for himself!

Avoid Taking Disagreement Personally

Children are growing their roots and pushing boundaries.  It’s an essential part of their growing job.

Besides, there is something to learn from the children’s perspective.  Physically and literally they view the world from another angle.

What does your kitchen look like to a three-year-old who cannot reach the top of the counter?  She sees the loooong stretch of countertop and a glimpse of the sky when looking out the window.  You see the garden.

Looking out of window from below

Garden scene through window.

In the same way, you and your child will have differing views on sharing of toys, cleanliness of room, sex drugs and rock ‘n roll….

It is normal that different folk have a different perspective.  In the working world, this is the concept of collaboration with diversity.

YOU have been uniquely selected to teach your child how to thrive with diversity! 

Good news & bad news.  It’s a tremendous privilege AND you get to be the guinee pig as your children learn from their mistakes.

2. Connect (or re-connect) with THE OTHER

Seek the Beliefs behind the Disagreement

According to Psychiatrist Dr. Alfred Adler, every person has beliefs about himself, other people, and the world. Some of these beliefs may be beneficial while others may be harmful and/or erroneous.

Beliefs about Oneself

“I matter, no matter what.” ‘(Beneficial belief)

“I am only valuable when I do not make mistakes.  When I fail, I am worthless.”  (Belief of conditional value)

Beliefs about People

“________ (name any religion or political party) are fanatics.” (Belief of superiority)

“Parents want to control me.” (Non-collaborative belief)

“Mom/Dad says ‘No’ but does not mean it.” (Manipulative belief)

Beliefs about the World

“The world is a safe place.”

“There is no such thing as win-win. The strongest gets his way.”


A child who believes his parents want to control him will act differently from one who believes that home is a safe place.

For many of us, adults and children, these beliefs rest in our subconscious.  So how to identify them?

Want help identifying your child’s beliefs?  Give a quick coaching call.

Our emotions reveal our beliefs.  Our beliefs determine our actions.

One Family’s Story

“We had just given our son his first portable phone and had clearly reviewed the rules with him, the first of which was ‘When parents call, you answer.’

On several occasions our son would not return home directly after school and nor answer his phone.

On one evening I welcomed him back and asked to speak one-on-one.

Parent: “Hi sweetheart.  Did you know that your behavior talks?”

Child: “NO.  I speak with my words.  Deuh…” Instead of getting distracted by his disrespect, I pursued.

P: “Yes.  Your actions talk.  What do you think a tardy return with no response on your phone is saying?”

C: “Dunno.  You tell me.”

P: “Think, darling.  You’re smart.” Said kindly, yet seriously.  My son realized I expected an answer. 

Thoughtful silence.

I probed, “What does it say about the importance of your time with regard the to value of my time?”

C: “Well, I guess that my time is more important than yours.”

P: “Is that true?  How would you feel if someone treated your time as less valuable?”

C: “Well, I’d be annoyed, and I guess it’s not true that my time is more important,” my son admits with a sheepish grin.

We even enjoyed (!) the ensuing conversation about limits since we had connected and corrected some hurtful beliefs.”

Your child’s disagreement, in word and action, gives insight into his beliefs.

Seek to Understand the Others’ Perspectives

What if your child were making very intelligent decisions…from his perspective!

When above the kitchen counter one sees a ceiling which looks pretty safe, it is not surprising that children place their hands on the burning stove.

Create a Safe Space to Voice Disagreements

There is a time and a place to voice a differing opinion.  It’s not when rushing out the door and tension is high.

When there is no acceptable way to express differing viewpoints, disagreement can happen anywhere and anytime.  It sounds like argumentation, like picking a fight in the wrong place at the wrong time.

In the grocery store while parents are trying to rush three munchkins through the crowded aisles.  “I WANT_______.  You NEVER let me choose!” During dinner with the grandparents.  “Did dad ever ______ when he was a kid because he doesn’t let me do it.”

That’s why we love Family Meetings.  It’s a scheduled time to

  1. check in,
  2. resolve issues if needed, and
  3. have fun

Family council get together resolve issues

Family council get together with fun

A Family Meeting is a safe space for children (and parents) to voice their issues.  Knowing that the Family Meeting is coming up, provides resolution to many every-day crises.

When the kids fight (disagree) with over TV use, they can write it on the agenda of the Family Meeting.

When they don’t like veggies, they can bring it up at the Family Meeting.

With some structure to this short meeting (15 minutes a week), parents and children resolve disagreements together.  They can express their feelings about the incident, share their perspective, actively listen, and work together to find better solutions which make everyone happy and feel belonging.

Want help setting up a Family Meeting chez vous?  Set up a quick coaching call.


Martin Luther King Jr "I Have a Dream"

6 Insights to Dream Big for Your Family from Martin Luther King Jr

Today we celebrate the birthday of Martin Luther King, Jr.  Many remember this inspiring leader in the human rights movement for his speech “I Have A Dream.”

What is your dream for your family? 

What do your children dream for their own future?
(Check out our workshop for teens)

1. Dream for Your Family & Empower Kids to Dream Too

Learn from this great man to dream big and empower others to have a vision.

It’s OK to dream big even when the situation looks dire

“I am not unmindful that some of you have come here out of great trials and tribulation. Some of you have come fresh from narrow jail … I say to you today, my friends, though, even though we face the difficulties of today and tomorrow, I still have a dream…” MLK Jr

nine dots

You and I can limit ourselves.

We can allow ourselves to hope what is feasible – the Basic-Fix-Dream rather than THE GRAND-VISION.

If our children dislike school, we aim for passing grades.  Could we dare for a passion for learning?

When siblings fight, we hope for “no blood.”  Can we envision them as co-builders of an amazing venture?

You may be familiar with these nine dots.

The exercise consists of passing through each of these dots once with four straight lines.  No more, no less, no curves.

Try it.

The clue?  Get out of the square.  In fact, there is no delimited zone.  The nine dots are in the shape of a square and folks like you and I apply the boundaries.

Dreaming means setting sights high…

…then following through with an action plan.get out of nine dots

2. Powerful dreams tap into a common heritage, a larger-than-me mission

“It is a dream deeply rooted in the American dream. I have a dream that one day this nation will rise up, live out the hue meaning of its creed: ‘We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal.’”

According to psychologist Dr. Alfred Adler, grandfather of Positive Psychology, a communal vision which benefits your community, be it family, neighborhood, friends, or more taps into our basic human needs of belonging and contribution which he describes as “Gemeinschaftsgefuehl .”

A community goal brings along with it a network of supporters.

It takes a team to reach the stars.  Set a dream that motivates and engages all.

Co-dream. And co-labor (collaborate).

Which of your children’s classmates will want to help your kid be better than everyone else? (or vise versa)

3. Live the vision

Walk the talk. Be a dreamer whose actions speak louder than words.

Be a dreamer whose actions speak louder than words Click to Tweet

The US constitution declared all men of equal value.  And yet they were not treated as such.

Are you ambitious for your child?  What qualities do you dream for them?

  • Respect of self and of others
  • Love of excellence and effort
  • Wise decision-making
  • Curiosity and tolerance

Let your children witness it through your actions.

  • Speak to the children with respect…even when they act without thinking
  • Stick to your commitments, like when you say, ‘I’ll be there in 5 minutes.”
  • Allow them to live the uncomfortable consequences of their own unwise decisions when the stakes are low. Misplacing a 10 cent coin is less painful than losing €1000.
  • Listen actively to understand their perspective before jumping to conclusions

THAT is dreaming with credibility and conviction.  Our example convinces our kids of the value of our hopes.

4. Dream with valor

Martin Luther King Jr ignites our fire when speaking of brotherhood, transformational peace-making, and character.

A dream worth living for is one worth dying for too. 

Who do you want with you as you end your days here?  What do you want said of you and for them to share with each other?  NOW is the time to plant those seeds.

For me, I want the “F.U.N.” back in funeral.  It’s because I celebrate life today that I hope folk will remember me with a smile GRIN in later years.

5. Clearly define success

“…little black boys and black girls will be able to join hands with little white boys and white girls as sisters and brothers.”

A clear goal vitalizes both you and your co-dreamers.

Visualizing is a technique many leaders adapt to help them define their objectives.

A friend shared her experience at a career change workshop she attended.  The facilitator invited participants to close their eyes and to think of their ideal (dream) job.

“Now visualize the office in which you are working.”

And they proceeded with another dream session.

“Describe your colleagues.  Their age, what they are wearing, their facial expressions…”

Specifics make the dream more real…and realizable.

6. Seek strength for the LONG (loooooong) haul

“This is our hope. This is the faith that I go back to the South with… With this faith we will he able to transform the jangling discords of our nation into a beautiful symphony of brotherhood. With this faith we will be able to work together, to pray together, to struggle together, to go to jail together, to stand up for freedom together, knowing that we will he free one day.”

In our quick win world, how can we prepare for valiant dreams that require sacrifice and persistence?

Performance experts assert that it’s not talent that keeps people from reaching their goals; it is lack of consistency which engenders lackadaisical results then discouragement and finally giving up.

In what will you place your faith?  Where will you find your source of strength?

The question is not “if” you will require boosting and encouragement.

The issue is WHEN.

Martin Luther King Jr found his from the God of the Bible.  It did not make him into a perfect person.  It made him united with others AND able to take a stand alone, peaceful AND powerful, patient AND courageous.


African girls and boys choir singing

Sing Your Heart Out

Today’s Gift on the Joy. Peace. Love. @ Home advent calendar for parents

Original Gospel-Jazz Songs
by Ruth Naomi Floyd

How to receive this gift?  Take the fun quiz on the Parent Advent Calendar today and you will receive the download link.

Ruth Naomi Floyd offers us music to soothe the soul … and to surprise us.

Through Christmas day you can download six of her original compositions of Gospel Jazz.  The link is on the Parent Advent Calendar behind door 24.

Gospel & Jazz?

When I think of jazz I conjure up images of African-Americans in New Orleans and then Parisian night clubs.  Yet Ruth brings us jazz tunes with lyrics inspired by the Bible.

It’s an unexpected union. And it’s beautiful.

Ruth Naomi Floyd fine arts photo
Also a fine arts photographer, Ruth combines surprising juxtapositions in song as well as in images.

Beautiful Unexpecteds

Tomorrow we celebrate Christmas.  Another unexpected juxtaposition.  According to Christian theology, Christmas celebrates when God comes to earth in the form of Jesus, God’s Son in flesh and blood.  Why would an all powerful god debase himself so much as to become a human…and a helpless baby at that?!  It is unexpected, to say the least.  And to those who believe, it is beautiful.

Our hope in sharing this music is to encourage you and me to invite in the unexpected and to allow ourselves to be challenged and comforted by its beauty.

  • In the way we view our children – seeking (hunting down) their positive qualities and then building on them
  • In the way we view ourselves – allowing imperfection. We grow THANKS to mistakes
  • In the way we view our parenting – full of hope and purpose


And as we introspect, let’s SING!

Music is Good for your Health

Our brain, heart, lungs, and emotions all benefit from listening to music, and even more from singing.

Ruth Naomi Floyd singing.
Ruth in full health. Photo by George Wells

Benefits of listening to music

Studies show that listening to music makes people happier, less stressed, less sensitive to pain, better performers in sports and in school, and helps with recall.

What?  With recall!

I wonder if it helps children with temporary memory loss remember to clean their room, to stop fighting with their brother/sister, and more!

That’s what we are banking on with these fun tunes to motivate children.  Enjoy!

Benefits of singing

Here’s how Stacy Horn, the author of Imperfect Harmony: Finding Happiness Singing With Others recaps the benefits of singing together.

What researchers are beginning to discover is that singing is like an infusion of the perfect tranquilizer, the kind that both soothes your nerves and elevates your spirits.

The elation may come from endorphins, a hormone released by singing, which is associated with feelings of pleasure.  Or it might be from oxytocin, another hormone released during singing, which has been found to alleviate anxiety and stress. Oxytocin also enhances feelings of trust and bonding, which may explain why still more studies have found that singing lessens feelings of depression and loneliness.

It turns out you don’t even have to be a good singer to reap the rewards.

So gather around for some Christmas caroling “en famille.”

Need the lyrics?  Look them up here.

Dad and daughter cuddling and smililng

Spell “love” T.I.M.E.

Today’s Gift on the Joy. Peace. Love. @ Home advent calendar for parents

Gift Certificates to offer to your children and your spouse – “My Time, Your Way”
by Denise Dampierre of SoSooper

How to receive this gift?  Take the fun quiz on the Parent Advent Calendar today and you could be the lucky one to win the draw.

Time as a present to offer

Money cannot buy time.  Not when it comes to time spent with kids.

Play-together-time often misses the Christmas list…AND yet, it’s the gift kids crave.

How does one “give” time?  How can one make it feel like a present?

That’s why we created these Gift Certificates.  Personalize with your child’s name and you signature, et voilà!  You have a valuable stocking stuffer you and your children will cherish.

Click here to download Gift Certificates.

Kids and Parents Learn Through Play

Play teaches children how to overcome boredom, to follow rules, to win and lose well.

Let kids direct the play (that’s your gift). You’ll discover them WHILE helping your child learn life-skills.

You thought your daughter was impatient? She spends ½ hour dressing and undressing a doll! That’ll stretch the fortitude of many adults.

One Mom’s Story

The first year I offered these gifts to my sons they all invited me to play their favorite video game.  “Oh, no! Wrong gift!” I thought.

These shared screen times taught me so much.  This time was “extra video time” for the children and since the intent was to share a moment together, they willingly spent 30 minutes teaching me why they like this particular game, what makes it exciting, and how to win.

I observed their skills (or lack of) in anticipation, in strategizing, in concentration, and more.

And the following week when they struggled with homework, we applied ideas from the game to help concentration.  “Let’s create levels.  When you finish your first math problem, you reach level 2!”

The next year, I gave each child two gifts of time. One could be used for games on screens. The other was for something else of their choice.  One child wanted to learn more about his bank statement.  Another wanted to go shopping.

I kept doing this for years, even when our eldest was in high school.  He asked for a visit to the ophthalmologist to see about contact lenses!

You Don’t Feel Like It

Screen games or doll dressing isn’t your cup of tea? Is homework theirs?

Look to the bigger picture.  You’re creating memories, proving their importance, and connecting on their level!  You’ll be amazed how that encourages them to seek to connect on issues of importance to you…like picking up their bags and coats in the front hallway.  Seriously.

The Children Don’t Feel Like It

Kids might act like they don’t want to play with you.

“Children often resist love when they need it the most,”

assert Dr. Scott Turansky and nurse Joan Miller, authors of Parenting is Heart Work. Be creative and kindly insistent. They might be testing the sincerity of your offer.

If the kids don’t want to play, consider admiring them for 15 minutes. No words. No judgement.  Simply seeking to understand them in their environment.

Say “Thank You”

That magic word for all ages concludes your time together on a positive note.

The Biggest Kid of Them All

How about playing with your spouse……! We’ve got a gift certificate for them too!

Gift Certificate for couple's romance
Gift Certificate for couple's romance

To receive Gift Certificates click here.

Photo by Caroline Hernandez on

Girl enthralled by candles

Spend a Moment in Wonder

Today’s Gift on the Joy. Peace. Love. @ Home advent calendar for parents

A Candle for Relaxation and Well-Being
from (Une Parenthèse Bougie)

How to receive this gift?  Take the fun quiz on the Parent Advent Calendar today and you could be the lucky one to win the draw.

Une parenthese bougie
Today’s gift. A scented candle for relaxation and well-being from (Une Parenthèse Bougie)

Candle Wonder

There is something wonder-full about candlelight.  For kids of all ages!

Is it the hypnotic way the flame flickers?

Or the association of candles with memory-filled events

  • Birthdays
  • Fancy meals, like at a restaurant or with the “grown up plates”
  • Visits to churches where candls flicker and light strwons through the color-filled stained-glass windows
  • And Christmas or Hanukah!

And it might be with the way adults treat fire with such care.  “Darling, CAREFUL. Your can get burned.” Literally.

Love flickers like flames too.  A spark enflames and warms or burns. Figuratively.

Candle magic for children


Children’s Questions – What do they wonder about?

Children have questions about fire and love.  They have been hurt or seen others in pain.  Why? How come?

How to answer their queries…when we hardly have answers ourselves.

What if activities with candles could help shed light on your children’s searching for answers about loving others and about being loved.

Questions like

  • “Do you love me more than _______?”
  • “Does love stop?”
  • “So many bad things happen.  I’m so small.  Can just a tiny bit of good make a difference?”

“Why be good when there is so much bad?”

Children sure do have a knack for asking Some. Tough. Questions.

Do you or I even have the answer to this one?  If we did, could we express such complex responses in words that our children can understand?

Candle Activity

Here is an activity that conveys the power of hope in the face of just a tiny bit of light.

How to:

  1. Take your children into a totally dark room.
    Sometimes the only place is a windowless bathroom.  One friend spoke of taking the children into their WC (in France there is a room with just the toilet seat).  What unique memories they cherish!
  2. Bring along one candle and a match or lighter.
  3. Notice the blackness without making it scary.
    “I can’t see anything!”
    “How many fingers am I holding up?”
    “Let me try and find your nose…oh is that your ear instead?!”
  4. Ask the kids how they feel…and how this makes them want to act.
    “I feel alone so I want to talk and have you talk to me so that I know I’m not alone.”
    “I feel lost so I’m scared to move. I don’t want to hurt myself.”
  5. Light the candle.
  6. Notice that it is one-small-flame in One. Whole. Room.
  7. Now ask how they feel and how this makes them want to act.
    “I see just enough to move and not hurt myself. I can move.”
    “I see you and I know I am not alone.  I can find your hand and we can be together.”

The children just EXPERIENCED the answer to their philosophical quandary.  One small light makes a HUGE difference. “Be a light, darling.  Be kind even if others are being mean.”

Child holding candle

“Does Love Stop?”

What happens when grandfather dies?  Or when couples separate? Or when friends move to another city?  Does love stop?!

This question surely benefits from answers in layers.  A few words one day.  A different approach a next day.  Reading a book together about the subject.  And possibly this activity with a candle.

Candle Activity

What you need:

It works best with a candle, something to light it, a cup to turn upside down over the flame.  A transparent cup or glass makes this even more dramatic.

How to:

  1. Gather the children around the lighted candle on the table.
    Admire the flames and it’s lively flicker.
  2. Notice together how this candle is like love, burning and warm.
  3. Cover the candle with the cup turn upside down over the flame. Allow a bit of smoke to gather inside the cup before smothering out the flame.
  4. Remove the cup and notice how the smoke is visible and rises from the still glowing wick. It rises in a clear ribbon of smoke and then diffuses into the air and throughout the room.
  5. Notice how we even breathe in tiny bits of the rest of the flame and carry it in our bodies!

In a similar way, the love for the child remains when someone dies or distance separates.  Love takes on a different form, one that can travel far.

Even when we do not see the flame or feel its warmth as we did before, the love is still there.

“Do you love me more?”

We do this activity in our Positive Discipline classes.  We”ll discover it together in person.  Ask about upcoming classes here.


Wishing you peace AND growth as we all struggle through understanding and living out Love.

Contact (Une Parenthèse Bougie)

Boy mopping floor doing chores

Build Kids’ Confidence with Chores

Today’s Gift on the Joy. Peace. Love. @ Home advent calendar for parents

1 magnetic Chore Chart for parents & kids together
from Ludocatix  

How to receive this gift?  Take the fun quiz on the Parent Advent Calendar today and you could be the lucky one to win the draw.

“What life skills do you want to transmit to your children?”

Ludocatix chore chart

This is how we begin our Positive Discipline parenting workshops and invariably parents share a list of traits like these:

  • Responsibility
  • Autonomy
  • Love of excellence
  • Empathy
  • Respect
  • Teamwork
  • ….

Today’s gift helps you transmit these skills to your children AND SIMULTANEOUSLY make life easier for you.  Ludocatix offers you a magnetic chore chart which you and the kids, together, adapt to your home.

Do You Know?

In a survey of 1001 US adults, 82% said they had regular chores growing up but only 23% indicated that they require their children to do them, reports the Wall Street Journal in their article “Why Children Need Chores.”

What happened?

Many parents feel they burden their children with chores and feel guilty.  Or they fear chores could negatively impact their relationship with the kids.  Yet research demonstrates the opposite.

Research indicates that those children who do have a set of chores have higher self-esteem, are more responsible, and are better able to deal with frustration and delay gratification, all of which contribute to greater success in school.

Aren’t those the skills parents desire to pass onto their children?!

Today’s gift, a magnetic chore chart you can create with your children, helps them remember their chores in a fun and colorful way.

10 Ways Children Benefit from Chores

Here are 10 reasons why chores are great for kids…and therefore great for you too.

  1. To help kids feel needed
    How do you define your family?  What helps the kids know that they BELONG.  When a child has a regular chore, the other family members COUNT ON HIM.  He is needed; he has a role to contribute to the well being of all.
  2. To build a love of excellence
    Parents get to encourage quality in work as they observe how well a chore is completed.  They are also able to provide immediate, usable feedback.
    “Honey, is that pink toothpaste I still see on the bathroom sink?  A clean sink is shiny and white.  Show me how you cleaned it last time and we’ll find one thing you can do differently to make the sink glow!”
  3. To not treat parents like the Maid of the Butler
    When parents or house help do all the chores, kids tend to treat those who clean up like…servants whose purpose is to fulfill their desires.  Parents have a higher calling!  When children participate in chores, their respect for parents grows.  They’re not going to treat Mom or Dad like servants, because they do the same thing!
    “Darling, we are a family.  Everyone helps.  It’s what we do.”
  4. To teach responsibility
    The dishwasher gets emptied every day.  The trash gets taken out several times a week.  We vacuum the living room on a regular basis.  Household chores are recurring tasks and children learn to the importance of ongoing maintenance effort.
  5. To manage time
    Chores require a little bit of time.  It takes 5 minutes to set the table.  10 minutes to declutter the front hallway.  10 minutes to vacuum under the dining table.  A regular chore requires a child to integrate these few minutes into their daily schedule.
  6. To improve school grades
    Performance at school is often related to ongoing, regular effort…just like chores.  Mastery of a subject grows little bit with daily practice.   Chores show immediate results and thus reinforce the value of this daily effort.
  7. To build empathy
    We do chores for the benefit of everyone in the family, not just for ourself.  At an early age, chore-doing children get to learn to think of and act for others.
  8. To build hope for the future
    Chores truly become burdensome when they are done alone.  When children see their parents always busy with household tasks and not available to play, they create a sad vision of adulthood: all work, no fun.  Why grow out of child-like behavior if it’s to become a slave to toil?
  9. To become a more attractive partner
    As the mother of four boys, I remind them, “If you want to attract a woman of value, you can’t treat her like a maid.  Treat her like a woman of value!”  And that means doing your share of the chores.
  10. To be appreciated & affirmed
    The result of chores is immediate.  Either the table is set or it is not.  And everyone in the family knows who’s turn it is to prepare the table for dinner this week.
    “Sweetheart, that’s a lovely job folding the napkins this way.  Thank you!”
    “Today we can thank Joe for the clean hallway.  Thanks, darling.  I really appreciate not tripping over backpacks.”

And we have not even mentioned that kids enjoy a cleaner home, they learn motor skills, they test negotiation skills (“Can you do the dishwasher for me today and I’ll vacuum the stairs for you tomorrow?”) and soooo much more.

Chore Charts

How to move from theory to practice?  A chore chart sure helps.  And Ludocatix’s colorful magnetic charts make it easy.

Children and parents work together to decide who does what when.

And as the children grow and their abilities evolve and your family needs change, well, just move the magnets around to update the chart!

Photo by Frank McKenna on Unsplash

Boy mopping floor doing chores

Construisez la Confiance de vos Enfants

Le Cadeau du Jour sur le calendrier de l’avent Joy. Peace. Love. @ Home

1 tableau magnétique pour partager les corvées entre parents et enfants
de Ludocatix 

Comment recevoir ce cadeau ? Faites le quizz amusant du Calendrier de l’Avent pour Parents aujourd’hui, et vous avez l’opportunité de gagner le cadeau grâce à notre tirage au sort. N’hésitez plus, la chance est avec vous !

“Quelles compétences voulez-vous transmettre à vos enfants?”

Ludocatix chore chartC’est ainsi que nous commençons nos ateliers de Discipline Positive et les parents partagent une liste de qualificatifs comme celle-ci:

– Responsabilité
– Autonomie
– L’amour de l’excellence
– Empathie
– Le respect
– Le travail en équipe
– …

Le cadeau d’aujourd’hui vous aide à transmettre ces compétences à vos enfants ET, SIMULTANÉMENT, vous facilite la vie. Ludocatix vous propose un tableau de corvée magnétique que vous et les enfants, ensemble, adaptez à votre style de vie.

Le Saviez-Vous?

Dans un sondage paru dans les Wall Street Journal et mené auprès de 1001 adultes américains, 82% ont déclaré qu’ils avaient des tâches ménagères lorsqu’ils étaient enfants mais seulement 23% ont indiqué qu’ils demandaient à leurs enfants pour les faire.

Que s’est il passé ?

Beaucoup de parents ont l’impression de charger leurs enfants de corvées et de se sentir coupables. Ou ils craignent que les corvées puissent avoir un impact négatif sur leur relation avec leurs enfants. Pourtant, la recherche démontre le contraire.

La recherche indique que les enfants qui font des corvées ont une meilleure estime de soi, sont plus responsables et font mieux face à la frustration ce qui contribue à une plus grande réussite scolaire.

Est-ce que ce ne sont pas les compétences que les parents veulent transmettre à leurs enfants ?

Le cadeau du jour est un tableau magnétique que vous pouvez créer avec vos enfants afin de les aide à se souvenir de leurs tâches ménagères de façon amusante et colorée.

10 Façons dont les Enfants Bénéficient des Corvées

Voici 10 raisons pour lesquelles les corvées sont bonnes pour les enfants … et donc génial pour vous aussi.

  1. Pour aider les enfants à se sentir nécessaire
    Comment définissez-vous votre famille? Que faîtes-vous pour que vos enfants sentent qu’ils font réellement partie de la famille ? Dites aux enfants qu’ils ont un rôle à jouer pour contribuer au bien-être de tous.
  2. Stimuler le gout de l’excellence
    En ce qui concerne les corvées, les parents peuvent voir la qualité du travail et fournir une récompense. “Chérie, est-ce c’est du dentifrice rose que je vois dans l’évier de la salle de bain ?Un lavabo propre est un lavabo brillant et blanc. Montre-moi comment tu l’as nettoyé la dernière fois et nous trouverons une chose que tu peux faire différemment pour faire briller l’évier!”
  3. Ne pas traiter les parents comme des serviteurs
    Lorsque les parents font toutes les corvées, les enfants ont tendance à traiter ces derniers comme des serviteurs dont le but est de satisfaire leurs désirs. Quand les enfants participent aux corvées, leur respect pour leurs parents grandit. Ils ne vont pas traiter maman ou papa comme des serviteurs, parce qu’ils font la même chose! “Chéri(e), nous sommes une famille.  Tout le monde participe.”
  4. Pour enseigner la responsabilité
    Le lave-vaisselle se vide tous les jours. Les déchets sont retirés plusieurs fois par semaine. Nous passons l’aspirateur régulièrement dans le salon. Les tâches ménagères sont des tâches récurrentes et les enfants apprennent l’importance de faire des efforts.
  5. Gérer le temps
    Les corvées nécessitent un peu de temps. Cela prend 5 minutes de mettre la table. 10 minutes pour nettoyer le couloir. 10 minutes pour passer l’aspirateur sous la table à manger. Une corvée régulière nécessite un enfant afin d’intégrer ces corvées dans leur emploi du temps quotidien.
  6. Améliorer les résultats scolaires
    La performance à l’école est souvent liée à des efforts continus et réguliers … tout comme les corvées ménagères. La maîtrise d’un sujet se développe peu à peu avec la pratique quotidienne. Les corvées donnent des résultats immédiats et renforcent ainsi la valeur de cet effort quotidien.
  7. Pour construire l’empathie
    Nous faisons des corvées au profit de tous les membres de la famille, pas seulement pour nous-mêmes. À un âge précoce, les enfants qui font des corvées apprennent à penser et à agir pour les autres.
  8. Construire l’espoir pour leur avenir en tant qu’adult(e)
    Les corvées deviennent vraiment du travail quand elles sont faites seules. Quand les enfants voient leurs parents toujours occupés avec les tâches ménagères et jamais disponibles pour eux, ils créent une vision triste de l’âge adulte : que du travail et pas de plaisir. Pourquoi sortir de l’enfance pour devenir l’esclave du labeur?
  9. Devenir un partenaire plus attractif
    En tant que mère de quatre garçons, je leur rappelle souvent : “ Si vous voulez attirer une femme de valeur, vous ne pouvez pas la traiter comme une servante. Traitez-la comme une femme de valeur! “ Et cela signifie faire votre part des corvées.
  10. Pour être apprécié et reconnu
    Le résultat des corvées est immédiat. Soit la table est mise, soit elle ne l’est pas. Et tout le monde dans la famille sait à qui c’est le tour de mettre la table à manger cette semaine. “ Chérie, c’est un très beau travail de plier les serviettes de cette façon. Je t’en remercie! ”

Finalement, nous n’avons même pas mentionné que les enfants préfèrent une maison propre, ils testent les compétences de négociation (“Est-ce que tu peux  faire la vaisselle pour moi aujourd’hui et demain je passerai l’aspirateur dans l’escalier ?”)

Tableau des corvées

Comment passer de la théorie à la pratique ? Un tableau des corvées aide certainement. Et les cartes magnétiques colorées de Ludocatix le rendent plus facile à utiliser.

Les enfants et les parents travaillent ensemble pour décider qui fait quoi et quand.

Et à mesure que les enfants grandissent que leurs capacités évoluent et que les besoins de votre famille changent, eh bien, déplacez simplement les aimants pour mettre à jour le tableau !

Photo de Frank McKenna sur Unsplash


Boy with mom in kitchen

Say, “I Love YOU”

Today’s Gift on the Joy. Peace. Love. @ Home advent calendar for parents

3 fruit-based skin care products especially created for kids
from TooFruit  

How to receive this gift?  Take the fun quiz on the Parent Advent Calendar today and you could be the lucky one to win the draw.

Children’s Skin

When our babies were born, we all rushed to the “baby care” aisles for the creams and lotions specifically designed for the fragile skin of our newborns.

Years pass…and we are still applying baby lotion to our children when they enter the teen years and changes in their complexion clearly reveal the need for an adapted skin care routine.

Zut (“darn” in French)!

Zits (“pimples” in English)!

But what about those years in between?

Katell Perrot, mother of 3 children, and biochemist Stéphane Lafond researched children’s skin and discovered that between the ages of 6 and 12 years, our kids’ skin lacks the ability to self-protect.  Children are not able to create a hydrolipidic film to naturally protect their skin.

That’s why they founded TooFruit, to provide children with the care their skin requires: more nutrition than baby products, and more protection than lotions for adults.


TooFruit products

A Touch of Fruit

Besides, children delight in the delicious scents of TooFruit’s fresh fruit, organic skin treats.

It’s a way to say, “I love you,” to provide the skin care that’s best for our kids.

The Touch of Love

Gary Chapman, in his Five Love Languages series, shares that individuals express AND RECEIVE love in a unique way.  We each have a preferred love language.

As an American living in Paris, I fully relate to the notion of a preferred language.  Although I converse fluently in French, my deepest thoughts are more easily expressed in English.

Similarly, people receive love through a variety of preferred means and Chapman presents these five:

  • Loving Touch
    We know we are loved through a caress, a hug, a kiss.

  • Gifts
    We know we are loved when people remember us with a present, even a small one like a note, or buying our favorite fruit.
  • Services Rendered
    We know we are loved when people do things for us like help to fold the laundry or fill up the gas tank.
  • Shared Experience
    We know we are loved when folk enjoy spending time with us as in watching a movie together.
  • Words of Affirmation
    We know we are loved through the ways people notice our strengths and encourage us.

The Loving Touch

Chapman remarks that a majority of men and boys respond best to the loving touch.

A hug a day can keep the doctor away!

Sian Beilock, Ph.D., psychology professor at The University of Chicago and an expert on the brain science behind performance failure under pressure, further asserts that a daily dose of loving touch helps ward off sickness.

A daily dose of hugs and loving touch helps ward off sickness. Click to Tweet

Yet as our kids grow older it can feel more awkward to coddle them.  A ten year old already pleas mom and dad to stay out of sight when we take them to school!

15 Fun Ways to Share a Loving Touch with your Child

Enjoy our list of ways to love your child with an age-appropriate Loving Touch.

  1. Massage their limbs after exercise.
    Try it with TooFruit 🙂 Smells yummy.
  2. Give a good morning smooch.
    Try 3 kisses: one for each word, “I love you!” He’ll ask you what that was about, and you’ve been given the invitation to tell him.
  3. Draw a love message on their body…like on their knees.
    Klutz body crayons makes it easy and hilarious!
  4. Teach your child to cook and show him with your arms around him.
    Transform a chore into an opportunity for intimacy.  You’ll be feeding your emotions as well as your tummies.Mother son licking beaters
  5. Play bump-into-you. 
    “Excuse me; there is just no room here!” Dad pretends to squirm through a crowd when it’s just the two of you…and it turns into a hug.
  6. Give a rub-a-tub-tub.
    It’s a towel massage when princess steps out of the bath. “Wrap” her up and bounce her on her bed.
  7. Roll him up in his comforter.
    Place junior in the middle of the bed with the comforter on top. Roll him towards you and tuck in the far cover. Roll him over the other way and tuck in the side close to you. Settle him on his back (with comforter edges secured under him), lift feet and tuck in the bottom edge. Snuggly!
  8. Give her a face massage when you say good-night.
    Loving bedtime routines assure her of your caring presence.  A gentle face massage relaxe stress from the facial muscles. That makes sleep come easier!  Try TooFruit‘s face creams.
  9. Cuddle together on the sofa.
    Ideal when watching a movie or reading out loud.
  10. Put your arm around his shoulders when you ask how school went.
    Even pre-teen and teenage kids do accept a brief and casual embrace.
  11. Twirl together and be joyful.
    A loving touch all around. It’s no wonder they’re expressions like “dance with joy.”
  12. Go swimming as a family.
    Pool games like “climb on me” or “throw me higher” offer lots of healthy skin-to-skin contact…and photo opportunities.
  13. Hold hands while you pray or envelop them in your arms.
    Double whammy the love. Yours and God’s combined.
  14. Tumble together.
    Wrestle. Give them a bear hug. Don’t let go!
  15. Let them give you a “farty” kiss.
    The smooch that makes a “Pffft” kind of noise. My son tried to give me one tonight and laughed so hard he couldn’t finish the kiss.  We all roared…and felt loved.
Boy with mom in kitchen

Dîtes, “Je t’aime”

Le Cadeau du Jour sur le calendrier de l’avent Joy. Peace. Love. @ Home

3 produits de soins de la peau à base de fruits spécialement créés pour les enfants
de TooFruit

Comment recevoir ce cadeau ? Faites le quizz amusant du Calendrier de l’Avent pour Parents aujourd’hui, et vous avez l’opportunité de gagner le cadeau grâce à notre tirage au sort. N’hésitez plus, la chance est avec vous !

TooFruit products

La Peau des Enfants

Lorsque nos enfants sont nés, nous nous sommes tous précipités dans les rayons «soins bébé» pour les crèmes et lotions spécialement conçues pour la peau fragile de nos nouveau-nés.

Les années passent … et nous appliquons toujours la même lotion à nos enfants jusqu’à l’adolescence où les changements cutanés révèlent clairement la nécessité d’une nouvelle routine adaptée.

Zut ! Zits (“boutons” en anglais)!

Mais qu’en est-il des années intermédiaires ?

Katell Perrot, mère de 3 enfants, et le biochimiste Stéphane Lafond ont étudié la peau des enfants et découvert qu’entre 6 et 12 ans, la peau de nos enfants n’a pas la capacité de s’auto-protéger. Les enfants ne sont donc pas en mesure de créer un film hydrolipidique pour protéger naturellement leur peau.

C’est pourquoi ils ont fondé TooFruit, pour fournir aux enfants les soins dont leur peau a besoin: plus de nutrition que de produits pour bébés, et plus de protection que les lotions pour adultes.

Une touche de fruit

En outre, les enfants se délectent des délicieux parfums de fruits frais de TooFruit, des gâteries biologiques pour la peau.

C’est une façon de dire «Je t’aime» en offrant des soins pour la peau qui conviennent le mieux à nos enfants.

Une Touche d’Amour

Gary Chapman, dans la série des Cinq Langages d’Amour, explique que les individus expriment ET RECOIVENT l’amour de manière unique. Nous avons chacun un langage d’amour favori.

En tant qu’américaine vivant à Paris, je suis entièrement liée à la notion de langue préférée. Bien que je parle couramment le français, mes pensées les plus profondes s’expriment plus facilement en anglais.

De même, les gens reçoivent l’amour via différents moyens.

Chapman nous en présente cinq:

  • Le Contact Physique
    Nous savons que nous sommes aimés par une caresse, un câlin, un baiser.

  • Les Cadeaux
    Nous savons que nous sommes aimés quand les gens se souviennent de nous avec un cadeau, même un petit présent comme un petit mot, ou en achetant notre fruit préféré.
  • Les Services Rendus
    Nous savons que nous sommes aimés lorsque les gens font des choses pour nous.  Aider à plier le linge ou à remplir le réservoir d’essence.
  • Les Moments de Qualité
    Nous savons que nous sommes aimés quand les gens aiment passer du temps avec nous comme regarder un film ensemble.
  • Words of Affirmation
    Nous savons que nous sommes aimés par la façon dont les gens remarquent nos forces et nous encouragent.

Le Contact Physique

Chapman remarque que la plupart des garçons et des hommes réagissent le mieux au toucher affectueux.

Pourtant, au fur et à mesure que nos enfants grandissent, il peut être plus difficile de les dorloter. Notre enfant de dix ans veut déjà que nous restions hors de vue lorsque nous l’emmenons à l’école !

Profitez de nos conseils sur comment exprimer votre amour à vos enfants, en fonction de leur âge.

15 “Contacts d’Amour” pour vos enfants

Amusez-vous à exprimer votre amour à vos enfants de multiples façons et en fonction de leur âge.

  1. Donnez leur un massage après le sport.
    Essayez avec des produits TooFruit 🙂  Ça sent bon !
  2. Dire bonjour avec un GROS bisous.
    Essayez 3 bisous: un pour chaque mot, “Je t’aime!” Il vous demandera de quoi il s’agissait, et vous pourrez lui expliquer.
  3. Dessinez un message d’amour sur leur corps sur leurs genoux par exemple.
    Les crayons de corps de Klutz rendent cela facile et très rigolo !
  4. Invitez votre enfant dans la cuisine pendant que vous préparez le dîner.
    Transformez une corvée en une opportunité de lier des liens avec votre enfant. Ce sont des moments privilégiés. Vous allez nourrir votre amour ainsi que vos ventres.Mother son licking beaters
  5. Jouez aux Voitures Tamponeuses avec votre corps
    Désolé mais il n’y a pas de place ici” Papa fait semblant de se faufiler dans la foule quand ce n’est que vous deux … et ça devient un câlin.
  6. Faites des sorties du bain amusantes.
    Quand votre princesse sort du bain en serviette,  “Enveloppez-la” et faites la rebondir sur son lit. Fous rires garantis !
  7. Roulez-le dans sa couette.
    Placez votre enfant au milieu de son lit avec la couette sur le dessus. Rien de mieux que d’être emmitouflé dans sa couette pour se sentir en sécurité. Bordez le lit et les draps de votre enfants des deux côtés et vous serez surs que cela deviendra un rituel rassurant !
  8. Faites un massage du visage quand vous dites Bonne Nuit.
    Les gestes affectueux au coucher assurent de votre présence bienveillante. Cela rend le sommeil plus facile!  Essayez avec des crèmes  de visage TooFruit 🙂
  9. Partagez un moment sur le canapé.
    Idéal en regardant un film ou en lisant à haute voix.
  10. Mettez votre bras autour de ses épaules quand vous lui demandez comment s’est passée l’école.
    Même les pré-adolescents et les adolescents acceptent ce bref contact qui maintien le lien.
  11. Tourbillonner et danser ensemble.
    Une touche d’amour en dansant. Ce n’est pas étonnant qu’on connaisse des expressions comme “danser avec joie”.
  12. Allez nager en famille.
    Les jeux  comme «grimper sur moi» ou «me jeter plus haut» offrent beaucoup de contacts peau-à-peau … et des occasions de photos.
  13. Tenez-vous les mains pendant que vous priez ou enveloppez-les dans vos bras.
    Double dose d’amour. Le vôtre et celui de Dieu sont combinés.
  14. Rouler par terre ensemble.
    Serrez lui FORT. Ne lâche pas!
  15. Laissez-les vous faire des bisous “péteur”.
    Ça fait ce genre de bruit. Mon fils a essayé de m’en donner un ce soir et a ri si fort qu’il ne pouvait pas. Nous avons tous rigolé … et nous nous sommes sentis aimés.
Woman gently holding vulnerable child

Give a Gentle Answer

Today’s Gift on the Joy. Peace. Love. @ Home advent calendar for parents

Family Tickets to the “Calm Anger” Parent + Child Workshop
from SoSooper 

How to receive this gift?  Take the fun quiz on the Parent Advent Calendar today and you could be the lucky one to win the draw.

Today’s gift invites BOTH disagreeing parties to join in fun activities and guided discussions to

  • Clarify the issue of dispute
  • Identify triggers to outbursts
  • TOGETHER find solutions to gain agreement
  • Make a routine chart to stay on track

Parents and children leave with a practical action plan to BOTH avoid outbursts AND resolve them quickly when they happen.

And it’s fun!


WHO is the REAL opponent?

The parent, the spouse, the child, or the issue?

Isn’t is amazing how a simple issue can suddenly escalate into a battle between parent and kid?  In our coaching we hear worried parents ask, “What is wrong with my child?… What is wrong with ME?!”

Take heart.

“Children who argue have good character qualities like persistence, perseverance, determination, creativity, and an ability to communicate ideas. The problem with arguing is that your child views you as an obstacle.”

Dr. Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller, in Good and Angry: Exchanging Frustration for Character in You and Your Kids!

How to get out of arguing with children?


Boxing girl by Frank deKleine


Let parent and child partner together in finding a solution.

It takes two people to have an argument.

And BOTH arguers contribute to the disagreement and BOTH can orient the exchange towards peace.

Miller and Turansky remind us that the subjects we argue about are often not THAT important.


Images by Madi Robson from Unsplash, SoSoooper, and