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Posted on 12 December 2017 18 December 2017 by Denise

Le Cadeau du Jour sur le calendrier de l’avent Joy. Peace. Love. @ Home

Billets Gratuits pour l’atelier “Calmer les colères” pour parents + enfants ensemble.
de SoSooper

Comment recevoir ce cadeau ? Faites le quizz amusant du Calendrier de l’Avent pour Parents aujourd’hui, et vous avez l’opportunité de gagner le cadeau grâce à notre tirage au sort. N’hésitez plus, la chance est avec vous !

Voici un aperçu de l’atelier. A travers des jeux et des activités en famille, vous aborderez des discussions enrichissantes :

Clarifier les differends
Identifier les déclencheurs de crises
ENSEMBLE trouver des solutions pour obtenir un commun accord
Faire un tableau de routine pour rester sur la bonne voie

Les parents et les enfants repartiront avec un plan d’action pratique pour éviter les crises à la maison ET les résoudre rapidement quand cela se produit.

Et c’est amusant !

QUI est le RÉEL adversaire?

Le parent, le conjoint, l’enfant ou le problème?

N’est ce pas incroyable de voir comment un problème simple peut soudainement dégénérer en une véritable bataille entre parent et enfant ? Dans notre coaching, nous entendons des parents inquiets demander : “Qu’est-ce qui ne va pas avec mon enfant? … Qu’est-ce qui ne va pas chez moi” ?!

Gardez l’espoir !

“Les enfants qui se disputent ont certaines qualités de caractère comme la persévérance, la détermination, la créativité et la capacité de communiquer leurs idées. Le problème de la dispute avec votre enfant, c’est qu’il vous voit comme un obstacle.”

Dr. Scott Turansky et Joanne Miller, dans Good and Angry: Exchanging Frustration for Character in You and Your Kids!

Comment sortir des disputes avec vos enfants?

FAIRE DU PROBLEME L’ENNEMI NUMÉRO 1

Laisser le parent et l’enfant s’entraider pour trouver une solution.

Il faut deux personnes pour avoir un argument.

Et les deux arguments contribuent au désaccord. Néanmoins les deux peuvent orienter l’échange vers la paix.

Miller et Turansky nous rappellent que les sujets sur lesquels nous nous disputons ne sont souvent pas si importants.

CE SONT LES RELATIONS QUI COMPTENT.

Images de Madi Robson sur Unsplash, SoSoooper, et LetMeColor.com

Welcome surprises and encourage learning

Posted on 11 December 2017 12 December 2017 by Denise

Today’s Gifts on the Joy. Peace. Love. @ Home advent calendar for parents

One My Little Box & One My Gambettes Box
from My Little Paris

How to receive these gifts? Take the fun quiz on the Parent Advent Calendar today and you could be the lucky ones to win the draw.

My Little Paris graces the life of 100 000 people worldwide with their monthly themed boxes. My Little Box reveals beauty products and lifestyle accessories and the Gambettes Box unveils 2 totally chic and unique legwear every month.

My Little Paris chooses it’s monthly themes with care so that surprise even means continuity, not chaos, so that you can fully delight in them.

November’s Box brought comfort, the kind you seek when lounging on a Sunday. Comfort for the face, the hands, for fun and for food.

Gambettes Box took an intellectual turn with leaf designs as you leaf through your books at the Sorbonne Library!

And December? Can’t unveil that box yet…or it would not be a surprise!

Invite Surprise @ Home = Relinquish some Control

“It’s been known for a long time that it’s unexpected events in particular that drive learning,” asserts Wael Asaad, assistant professor of neurosurgery at Brown University.

How about surprising the children, especially one that seems reticent to learn, with responsibility.

“Are you sure?” parents respond.

Many of the mothers and fathers who attend our workshops seek predictability. Control. Yet they find it slipping away.

As one father puts it, “The more I try to keep the kids in control, the more out of control I feel.”

Your Relationship-Building Surprise

Why not try a once-a-month relationship-building surprise. 🙂

Consider the “Smooth Morning Out the Door with a Smile” Theme

Select a Date

This is an exceptional event. Put it on the calendar for everyone to look forward to. Choose a weekend morning when there is less pressure to be on time.

Who wants to be in charge?

Invite a child to have the responsibility of getting out the door on time to a child. “Who would like to Be In Charge?”

Consider offering this to your most “problematic-in-the-morning” child. You’ll be surprised at ALL OF THE LEARNING you’ll do…and together!

Prepare when you are calm

With the date set in advance, you can help your child prepare.

Your child both knows and does not know what to do. Help her formalize the routine. “What needs to happen so that we get out the door well?”

Make it like a brainstorming together.

“Honey, what do you want to remember for your ‘Morning I’m In Charge’?”
“Remind me what needs to get done in the morning before we go…. Yes, we do need to choose clothes. Could that be done the night before or do we HAVE TO DO IT with blurry eyes?… You decide. You’re in charge.”

Gather Helpful Tools

“Darling, what could help you get the job done?
A buzzer to keep track of time?
A meeting of the family the night before where you remind everyone of what they have to do?
Waking up earlier?”

Let your child choose. She’s in charge.

Be a Gracious Follower

Remember the first times you prepared your babe to go out and forgot the extra diaper and the pacifier fell in the mud and….

Your child will probably face challenges and could even get frustrated because she has HIGH expectations.

Be the first one to behave as requested. Do what is asked of you…and try to refrain from doing more.

Allow your child to experience the challenge of herding a group out the door. THIS FRUSTRATION is part of the prize.

Once your children realize how much effort is required, they become more understanding and cooperative with you. ????

Review and Improve

“So, darling, what went well?”

Invite their self-evaluation and offer a few genuine positive observations as well.

Maybe it felt like a fiasco. Did you get out the door? Then share that. “Honey, we got out the door!”

Ask your child what she would like to do differently next time. Help keep it specific. If she asks you, offer ONE idea for change. Specific means doable, which means she could succeed next time.

One Mom’s Story

“Our second son was so contrarian. I felt like we were in a perpetual power struggle. By the time we got out the door in the morning, I was ready for a nap!

We tried this Mom-Son role switch.

Mr. Rebel was delighted. ”You’ll let ME be in charge, Mom?!”

He became a new person, Mr. Responsible, being conscientious with his job. In the middle of the preparation he realized this was work. “Can we switch back, Mom, and I’ll be the kid again?”

We encouraged him to follow through to the end.

The experience transformed our every day morning ritual. Firstly, the morning routine was clear in everyone’s mind. Our previously challenging son because the first one ready.”

Go on an Adventure Together

Posted on 1 December 2017 8 December 2017 by Denise

Today’s Gift on the Joy. Peace. Love. @ Home advent calendar for parents

One Free Poke Bowl with one purchased
from Poke Bar Hawaii – Paris

What is a Poke Bowl?

Poke is a delicious, fresh, complete food! It’s the traditional Hawaiian fishermen’s salad with a twist of modern French cuisine.

At Poke Bar you create your own poke bowl à la carte. Salad or rice? Marinated fish or _____? Veggies and / or fruit? French dessert (!) or lighter fare?

It’s the fun of choosing the toppings on the pizza with the health benefits of the fresh outdoors.

Kids get to be in charge of their meal and to co-create their unique dish. THAT’s a discovery!

Hawaiian Sun Warming Parisian Winters

Who said there were only 50 shades of grey?

In the wintertime, Paris unsparkles with 100 000 nuances between black-like and white-ish. Grey skies. Grey sidewalks. Grey buildings. Grey fashion….

That’s why a pause at Poke Bar boosts both body and spirit during this winter season. The bright wallpaper transports you and the children to Hawaii. Elodie and Isabelle’s sunny welcome shines bright. Mosey on over to their cozy hotspot.

How does a Poke help build
Joy. Peace. Love. @ Home?

Discovery changes dynamics.

Did you notice how your child’s comfort zone differs from yours? Discovery brings those zones together.

Parent & Child Comfort Zones

You like a living room with comfy sofas on which to sit and decorative throw pillows to add ambiance.

The kids prefer a living room build like a fort: the sofa is pulled away from the wall, the throw pillows cover the floor for comfort, and the (wet) towels were dragged through the apartment to create the fort roof.

Comfy for mom & dad ≠ comfy for kids!

And oftentimes, the children must acquiesce to the parents’ definition of “acceptable.” It sounds like, “Clean up! N.O.W.”

The Gift of Discovery

Yet there is a time when parent and child find themselves on “neutral” territory. When on a discovery, EVERYONE discovers new ground. (For a moment) Mom and Dad put aside their role of “expert in charge” and put on a wide-eyed, expectation-filled mindset. Kind of like a kid!

Find a Discovery Next Door!

In our busy lifestyles, we families often relegate new experiences to vacation time.

“What city/country/continent should we visit?”

What if discovery were right around the corner? Or even in the fridge?!

We love food experiences because it makes discovery accessible, frequent, and fun.

Food Discovery…Fun?

Some parents cringe at the idea of getting kids to taste new foods. We have each found ourselves playing a version of each of these roles…and it’s no fun.

The Reasoner: “You can’t eat noodles for the rest of your life. Just try ONE bite.”

The Briber: “If you try just one bite, you can have your favorite desert.”

The Police: “This food or nothing.”

Why not try a different approach?

1. Start with your mindset

Decide to enjoy yourself for this discovery moment. You cannot force anyone else to think or feel like you. So be generous and give them the choice (and responsibility) for their thoughts and actions.
There will be other meals to insist on green peas or carrots or broccoli. Make this experience special.

2. Be the example of “Food discovery = Fun”

Focus on YOUR learning. What if you created a poem about the new foods?

“Cherry tomato. Pop. Squirt.
Fish & Hot Spice & Fruit.Who would have thought? It works!! …”

Take full responsibility for YOUR attitude. When your child grunts and glowers, you can choose to react to it or to ignore it for now.

3. Believe in your children and that they can manage the responsibility of their choices.

If your child does not want to eat, he might get hungry. In our western culture, where many of us over-consume, is that the end of the world? Might it generate thankfulness for what she has often taken for granted?
Reality is a powerful teacher. (Usually way more impactful than a lecture by a frustrated parent!)

4. Provide the children with a place to disagree

Some cultures consider fish eye balls (raw) to be a delicacy. You and I may disagree.Your child is allowed to not like bitterness of watercress soup, the chewiness of pulpa, or the crunch of carrots.Teach them how to express their reservations in a constructive manner.
“For our next food discovery outing, could we just try desserts?” ☹ ????

5. Prepare the children in advance – both for the outing and for your attitude

Let the kids know about your choice of attitude.
Expect them to test it! Be ready to smile and count to 10 before answering them.

Thank You

Poke Bar – Hawaii-Paris
24 rue du 4 Septembre, Paris 75002
Métro : Opéra ou 4 Septembre – 01 70 69 94 32

Follow them

Co + Work = Joy. Peace. Love. @ Home chez vous

Posted on 1 December 2017 8 December 2017 by Denise

Il était une fois des entrepreneures parisiennes qui ont rêvé de vous offrir un calendrier de l’avent pour vous, les parents. Et cette petite germe a poussé…

et nous vous offrons 1000€ de cadeaux (!!) à travers un calendrier de l’avent interactive et en ligne.

(Vous pouvez vous y inscrire sur le calendrier en français or the one in English.)

Voici notre histoire…

Tout a commencé avec Mona

Quand cette escape gratuit de co-working a ouvert en Novembre, j’ai saisi l’opportunité de travailler dans ce cadre féminin et dynamique.

Un grand MERCI à tous les sponsors : My Little Paris, AXA Insurance, Estée Lauder, and Nike qui nous ont accueilli dans leurs locaux du 1er Novembre au 31 Décembre 2017.

Que peut-on faire dans un espace de co-working qu’on ne peut pas faire à la maison tout seul ?

CO et WORK!

Cinq minutes après avoir franchi la porte d’entrée, je me suis présenté à la femme assise à ma table. A vrai dire, elle y était installée confortablement et, avec le sourire, je lui ai dérangé pour lui ai demandé si je pouvais me joindre à elle. Je me suis fixé un objectif : rencontrer cinq nouvelles personnes tous les jours. J’ai découvert des femmes passionnées travaillant sur des projets captivants.

Quel projet captivant pourrais-je construire pour partager ma passion : que les familles puissent rester soudées malgré les crises de colère, la désobéissance des enfants et les frustrations de la vie quotidienne ?

Un “CO” project!

Il fallait une raison d’être

En tant que coach parental formé aux principes adlériens, j’enseigne les principes d’appartenance et de contribution à une communauté avec un sens, une raison d’être.

Donc quel but pour notre collaboration potentielle?

A cette période de l’année, Noël me semblait une évidence. Et pourtant, les Français critiqué son côté trop commercial.

Cependant nous nous retrouvons autour du sens de Noël : la joie, la paix et l’amour.

Nous, les parents, nous sommes ceux qui Les parents amènent la joie et la paix à la maison.

Voilà! Joy. Peace. Love. @ Home

Plus fort ensemble

Enthousiasmé par l’idée, j’ai découvert un magnifique calendrier de l’avent en ligne créé par Dot.vu. Jetez-y un coup d’œil. Une période d’essaie sur le site m’a permis de tester le service et de le présenter aux collaborateurs potentiels. Le service de Dot.vu est top : Tom m’a proposé un guide personnalisé de 30 minutes afin de comprendre le fonctionnement du logiciel et Pedro répond à mes nombreuses requêtes de manière efficace et professionnelle.

Enthousiasmés par cette outil, 15 entrepreneurs ont décidé de m’y rejoindre.

C’est un plaisir de vous les présenter.

(Pour connaître les cadeaux, rendez-vous tous les jours sur Joy. Peace. Love. @ Home)

Denise Dampierre, fondatrice de SoSooper

En savoir un peu plus sur moi : Diplômée d’un MBA de Harvard et mère de 4 garçons, je décrirai les premières années de la parentalité comme la gestion de l’énergie. Faire se dépenser les garçons; et préserver la mienne. Ensuite, nous nous concentrions sur “la création de souvenirs positives” et la création d’une culture de famille où tout le monde prospère. Ma passion: aider à élever la prochaine génération d’hommes et de femmes remplis de joie, travaillant pour la paix, et sachant aimer.

Adrien Bracon, Coiffeur à Domicile

Formé chez Jean-Marc Manniatis, Adrien coiffe mes cheveux depuis des années. Lors de ses visites, nous transformons notre salon en salon de coiffure. Au lieu de trimbaler quatre enfants au salon de coiffure et d’attendre que chaque enfant passe, nous passions ce temps à se blottir chez nous pendant qu’Adrien coiffait toute la famille. Il est si talentueux, je lui laisse carte blanche concernant ma coiffure.

Alice Lamotte

Mère de quatre enfants, Alice et moi nous sommes rencontrés grâce à la Discipline Positive. Nous recherchions toutes les deux une formation pour construire des maisons coopératives et respectueuses … d’abord chez nous puis au-delà. Alice regorge d’énergie. Elle allie santé physique et bien-être socio-émotionnel dans son coaching Gym & Talk.

Beija-Flore

J’ai eu connaissance de Béatrice Cornet Vernet via Femmepreneurs,, un réseau de femmes entrepreneurs dans l’Ouest de Paris. Je suis tombée amoureuse de ses accessoires en tissu Liberty. Béatrice était parmis les premières à participer à notre aventure sans s’être rencontré face-à-face!

Chantal Bourges

J’ai rencontré Chantal lors d’une conférence internationale de Discipline Positive. Nous étions “roommates” ce qui permet de bien se connaître. Mère de cinq enfants, Chantal a siégé au conseil d’administration des Associations de Discipline Positive France et International. Elle encadre et forme les parents et les enseignants localement et internationalement.

Elli Photography

J’ai rencontré Elli Loannou à Mona. Egalement une Anglophone (Elli est originaire d’Australie), elle adhérait aussi à l’aspect «CO» du coworking. Elle est installée en tant que photographe de mode et est formée aux photos analogiques. Cela signifie qu’elle saisit L’ instant (pensez aux enfants). Elli a été enchantée par notre projet collaboratif; “Je choisis de travailler avec cette communauté ! » a-t-elle dit.

English Dream Cakes

En tant que membre du groupe Facebook Anglopreneurs, j’ai, un jour, été captivée par une photo de gâteaux décorés de manière délicate et magique. Le message est venu et est parti. L’image est restée. Et c’est une JOIE d’échanger avec l’équipe mère-fille Cheryl et Dew. Elles mélange la douceur avec le professionnel. Incorpore la créativité et étale la générosité abondamment. Le tout servi avec un délicieux sourire.

Feminicity

Amanda Wigby et moi avons appris à nous apprécier les uns les autres grâce à … du «feedback» ! constructifs. Nous nous sommes mises au défi de surmonter les différences qu’il y a souvent entre notre «Talk» (les services que nous fournissons) et notre «Walk» (comment nous exprimons notre expertise dans la vie quotidienne). Authentique, ouverte d’esprit et visionnaire, Coach Amanda nous aide, vous et moi, à remplacer le comportement «je devrais» par l’action sur nos priorités personnelles.

Light On

Un groupe d’étudiantes de l’ISCOM qui m’aide dans les coulisses de ce projet. Corriger mon français, donner leurs avis, faire du design, rester actif sur les réseaux sociaux et m’encourager. C’est en sachant qu’elles assurent mes arrières que j’ai osé m’aventurer sur ce projet. Merci à Anaïs Kisasondi, à Camille Meunier-Sirven, à Rose Rapp, à Elodie Schwinn et à Laura Wieczorek.

Ludocatix

Virginie Chabert s’associe également à nous grâce à Femmepreneurs. Virginie créé des produits qui aident les enfants à devenir plus responsables. L’un de nos posts les plus populaires sur le blog SoSooper était un tableau de responsabilités qui attribuait les taches de la maison aux enfants. Ludocatix remplace ces tableaux fait-maison par des beaux outils qui permettent aux parents de créer des routines positives avec leurs enfants.

Maman NYC à Paris

Mon premier jour chez Mona, avant de me mettre au travail, je me suis arrêté au café Maman qui se situe dans le coworking. J’ai été chaudement accueilli par Antoine et son équipe. Ils servent le café et le thé avec le sourire, et de nombreux délices salés et sucrés (sourire y compris aussi). Quoi de mieux pour garder nos collègues motivés toute la journée. Qu’est ce un coworking sans un café ? Juste un espace…

My Little Paris

C’est l’équipe de My Little Paris qui nous accueil à Mona. My Little Paris a démarré avec cinq femmes qui se sont associées pour dénicher des produits qui reflétaient le flair parisien. Elles les enveloppaient magnifiquement dans des “box” et les envoyaient aux mamans, aux papas et aux enfants…sur trois continents! Avec My Little Paris, vous pouvez être un parent ET rester au top du chic.

Poke Bar

C’est grâce à nos enfants que j’ai rencontré Elodie Macquet. Également mère de garçons, Elodie est une entrepreneuse en série. Elle et sa voisine Isabelle ont ouvert Poke Bar en Mars, apportant le soleil d’Hawaï aux tables parisiennes. Leur restaurant, juste à côté de la place de l’Opéra, sert des bols poké, frais, sur place et à emporter. Nos garçons adolescents se sont régalés avec un repas, sain, léger ET nourrissant.

Ruth Naomi Floyd

Ruth et moi avons appris à nous connaître grâce à une erreur de ma part. Elle a chanté du gospel mis en musique de jazz pour un événement que j’ai organisé … elle est arrivée à Paris un jour plus tôt que j’avais prévu ! Aucune chambre d’hôtel n’était disponible, elle est alors venue à la maison. Nous nous sommes réunis autour d’un dîner familiale (avec tout le bruit de 4 garçons à table). Multi-talentueuse, Ruth est également photographe des beaux-arts et s’occupe avec compassion et respect de personnes affectées par le VIH.

TooFruit

Our children’s classmates stem from an entrepreneurial vibe! It’s through our son that we met Katell Perrot just as she was launching TooFruit. We tasted her enthusiasm as she introduced us to blueberry lotions and pineapple creams especially developed for children’s skin. These organic potions deliciously cleanse and nourish kids from head to toe.

(Une Parenthèse Bougie)

Encore grâce à Femmepreneurs j’ai virtuellement rencontré Valérie Nicol. Noël c’est la saison des bougies et Valérie a choisi ses bougies pour leur côté magique qui s’adapte à toutes les humeurs. Quand j’ai mentionné le thème du calendrier, elle s’est exclamée: «J’ai pile ce qu’il faut ! C’est tout nouveau dans notre catalogue pour la saison ! ???? “

Villa Manon

Une autre rencontre grâce à nos enfants. Mary Holmes Smith a participé à des ateliers Discipline Positive que je menais. Maintenant, c’est moi qui prend ses cours! Je me rend régulièrement à son studio pour des cours de Pilates et de Yoga. Lorsque nous rentrons dans son atelier, un souffle de sérénité nous envahit, parfumé au gingembre et au citron. Il parait que cela favorise les étirements et le renfort musculaire.

Vincent Cassigneul

C’est un ancien camarade de classe de mon mari qui vit à Toulouse. La photographie est sa passion et en tant que père de quatre filles, il s’est entrainé sur de jolis mannequins. Lors d’une sortie en péniche sur la Seine j’ai été impressionnée par l’oeil vif que possède Vincent. Il reussi à capturer des moments dont nous ne profitons pas assez.

Wine Contacts

J’ai rencontré Mary Kirk Bonnet grâce à nos fils respectifs. Franco-américaine, Mary détient le prestigieux titre de «Sommelier-Conseil». Elle a sublimé nos dîners avec des sélections de vignobles d’exception. Nos amis s’extasient toujours sur l’expérience chaleureuse et délicieuse que nous avons vécue au cours de la dégustation de vins entre amis chez nous.

Merci

Un grand merci à vous tous qui me faites confiance dans ce projet. Je remercie tout particulièrmement celles que je n’ai pas encore rencontré et qui ont, quand même, contribuées à l’aventure parce qu’ils sont passionnées et croient dans le sens de notre projet commun:

Joy. Peace. Love. @ Home

Enthousiasme. Passion. Cooperation. @ Work !

Joy. Peace. Love. @ Home et Enthousiasme. Passion. Cooperation. @ Work. 🙂 Click to Tweet

Cover Photo by Andrew Neel on Unsplash

Co + Work for your Joy. Peace. Love. @ Home

Posted on 29 November 2017 8 December 2017 by Denise

How the seed of an idea took root and blossomed into a collaborative project for YOU.

Parisian entrepreneurs are offering parents 1000€ of gifts through an interactive, online Parents’ Advent Calendar.

(There is still time to sign up in English…ou en français)

It Began at Mona

When this free co-working space for women opened in November, I jumped at the opportunity to work with dynamic, feminine company.

A BIG thanks to the sponsors – My Little Paris, AXA Insurance, Estée Lauder, and Nike – who bring us this welcoming space from November 1 through December 31, 2017.

What can one do in a co-working space that one cannot be done at home all alone?

CO as well as WORK!

Five minutes into walking through the front door I introduced myself to the woman sitting at my table. Well, really, she was happily sitting there first and I smilingly intruded, asking if I might join. I set an objective to meet five new people every day and discovered passionate women engaged in fascinating projects.

What enticing project could I build to share my passion for strong families that stay connected even during the tantrums AND the disobedience AND the frustrations of daily life?

A “CO” project!

A Meaningful Purpose

As a parenting coach trained in Adlerian principles, I espouse the principles of belonging to and contributing to a community with a purpose larger than oneself.

Which purpose?

At this time of year, Christmas seemed obvious. And yet French friends have lamented the commercialized spirit.

The underlying spirit of the season is Joy. Peace. Love.

We parents raise the joy-bringer and peace-makers of tomorrow through the love they experience at home!

We are raising the joy-bringer and peace-makers of tomorrow! Click to Tweet

Voilà! Joy. Peace. Love. @ Home

Stronger Together

Enthused by the idea, I discovered an amazing online interactive Advent Calender by Dot.vu. Check it out. Their 15 day free trial allowed me to test the idea with potential collaborators. Their service is top notch. Tom invited me for a 30 minute Google Hangout personalized guide and Pedro answered my (numerous) queries efficiently and professionally.

Enthused by the purpose and the tool, 15 entrepreneurs joined in.

It is a delight to introduce them to you. Today you meet the people.

(Every day of advent you’ll discover the gifts they each share.)

Denise Dampierre, founder of SoSooper

A bit about me: As a Harvard MBA and the mother of 4 boys in 6 years, I’ll describe the early years of parenting as the energy-management business: expend the boys’; conserve mine. Now, we focus on making empowering memories and creating a family culture where everyone thrives. My passion: to help raise the next generation of joy-filled, peace-making, and loving men and women.

Adrien Bracon, Coiffeur à Domicile

Adrien has styled my hair for decades. Trained at Jean-Marc Manniatis, the Haute Coiffure, Adrien now brings his talent “chez vous.” Phew! Instead of lugging four tots to the hairdresser and waiting out their turn, we could spend that time snuggling at home while Adrien styled the whole family. He is so talented, I give him “carte blanche” on my head.

Alice Lamotte

Mothers of four children flock together, especially when we seek ways for families to THRIVE (vs. survive). Alice and I met through Positive Discipline where we both sought training to build respect-filled and cooperative homes…first “chez nous” then beyond. Alice abounds in energy. She combines physical health with socio-emotional well-being in her Gym & Talk coaching.

Beija-Flore

Béatrice Cornet Vernet and I connected through Femmepreneurs, a network of women entrepreneurs in the west of Paris. I fell in love with her Liberty fabric accessories. Béatrice and I have not yet met face-to-face (!) AND she graciously agreed to join in our adventure even during this busy time of Christmas fairs every weekend.

Chantal Bourges

Chantal and I were roommates at an international Positive Discipline conference. You get to appreciate someone when you see them with tousled-hair and sleepy-eyed. The mother of FIVE children, Chantal sat on the board of the French and US Positive Discipline associations. She coaches and trains parents and teachers locally and internationally.

Elli Photography

Elli Ioannou and I met at Mona. As another Anglophone (Elli hails from Australia) she too felt at ease with the “CO” aspect of coworking. She is established as a fashion photographer trained in analog photos. That means, she catches the moment (think kids). Elli got excited about our collaborative project; ”I choose to work with this community!”

English Dream Cakes

As a member of the Facebook group Anglopreneurs, I saw a post of ravishingly dreamily decorated cakes. The post came and went. The image remained. And what a joy it has been to exchange with mother-daughter team Cheryl and Dew. They combine genteel with professional. Stir in creativity and cover with generosity. All served with a delicious smile.

Feminicity

Amanda Wigby and I learned to appreciate each other through constructive feedback. We challenged each other to overcome a discrepancy between our “Talk” (the services we provide) and our “Walk” (how we express our expertise in everyday life). Authentic, open, and visionary, Amanda helps you and me replace “I should” behavior with acting on our personal priorities.

Light On

A group of students at ISCOM are helping me with the backstage of this project. The correct my French, give feedback, do design work, stay active on social media, and cheer me on. It’s thanks to knowing they are covering my back that I dared to venture on this project. Thanks, to Anaïs Kisasondi, Camille Meunier-Sirven, Rose Rapp, Elodie Schwinn, and Laura Wieczorek.

Ludocatix

Virginie Chabert also comes to us through Femmepreneurs. Virginie creates products that help children grow in responsibility. One of our most popular downloads on SoSooper was a chore chart for kids to want to help with chores. Ludocatix replaces my cut-and-paste routine charts with positive-parenting-inspired tools that children and parents build together.

Maman NYC à Paris

I shared about my first day at Mona. Before settling down to work, I paused at the Maman café located on the premises to be warmly greeted by Antoine and his team. They smilingly serve coffee, tea, and especially yummy delights (both savory and sweet) to keep us coworkers energized during the day. A coworking without coffee & cooking? Just a space…

My Little Paris

It’s the My Little Paris team that greets us so warmly at Mona. The company launched with five women teaming to sniff out trends and deals which reflect Parisian flair. They wrapped these up beautifully in boxes, and send them out to moms, dads, and tots too…on three continents! I love how My Little Paris makes it easy to remain chic when we parents have little energy and time to spare.

Poke Bar

Our children introduced me to Elodie Macquet. Also a mother of boys, Elodie is a serial entrepreneur. She and her neighbor Isabelle opened Poke Bar in March, bringing Hawaii sunshine to Parisian tables. Their restaurant, just off place de l’Opéra, serves fresh poke bowls on the spot and to go. Our teen boys delighted on their tasty, healthy, light, AND filling meal.

Ruth Naomi Floyd

Ruth and I came to know each other through my mistake. In Paris to sing gospel lyrics set to jazz music for an event I organized…she arrived a day earlier than I expected!! No room at the hotel, she came to our home and partook in our noisy, home-fare dinner. Joy! Multi-talented, Ruth is also a fine-arts photographer and compassionately cares for people affected by HIV and AIDS.

TooFruit

(Une Parenthèse Bougie)

Femmepreneurs came through again to introduce Valérie Nicol…virtually. ‘Tis the season of candlelight and Valérie specially selects her candles for mood magic. When I mentioned the theme, she exclaimed, “I’ve got just the candle for the occasion. It’s even new to the catalog ????”

Villa Manon

Another through-our-children meeting with Mary Holmes Smith. She participated in a Positive Discipline class with other parents and we stayed connected. Now I frequent her studio where she leads Pilates and yoga classes. It’s a breathe of rejuvenation to enter her serene, ginger-lemon scented atelier for stretching and strengthening.

Vincent Cassigneul

A classmate of my husband living in Toulouse, Vincent and I meet at reunions. Photography is his hobby and as the father of four girls, he’s had practice with models. On a boat party recently, Vincent impressed me with his eye. He captured moments that many of us miss. While we focused on the obvious, Vincent sought out pearls. Thanks.

Wine Contacts

Our sons’ brought Mary Kirk Bonnet and I together. A Franco-American, Mary holds the prestigious “Sommelier-Conseil” title. She has graced our dinner parties with choice selections from favorite vineyards. Our friends still rave about the insightful, warm, and delightful time we shared during the private wine-tasting Mary led in our home. Thanks.

Thank You

A big thanks to all of you who trusted in me and in this project and chose to work together. And a special thanks to those I have not yet met who jumped in this collaborative effort because they have a passion and believe in our combined purpose:

Joy. Peace. Love. @ Home

and

Thrill. Passion. Cooperation. @ Work !

Joy. Peace. Love. @ Home and Thrill. Passion. Cooperation. @ Work. 🙂 Click to Tweet

Cover Photo by Andrew Neel on Unsplash

What signs are you looking for in your kids?

Posted on 6 November 2017 7 November 2017 by Denise

You and I find what we seek.

What if we’re looking for the wrong things?!

We sure looked hard for the right signs during the journey along the Camino Trail from Notre Dame in Paris to Chartres Cathedral. Discover how this also relates to parenting.

Eight of us set out for this 100 km hike over five days. We held high expectations…without really knowing what to expect. Sounds a little like parenting too!

We did know what to look for: the blue and yellow symbol of a shell which led us to Chartres Cathedral. Step. By. Step.

Chartre Cathedral and pilgrims — We made it…following the blue & yellow signs.

Following the Signs

We came across loads of other signs along the way too, including

Restaurants – Tourist attractions – Highways – Danger of Death (!) – Rain ahead (dark clouds in the sky) – …

Dampierre town, namesake — “Wrong” sign. Did they name the town for me?! (My family name is Dampierre)… Still miles to go to Chartres.

All of these indications were true and real.

Only some of them lead to the desired destination.

When it way my turn to head the group, I kept a close watch for the blue and yellow markers. We had (barely) enough energy to get to our destination. Getting lost or sidetracked were not options.

Follow the Yellow (and Blue) brick road.

Signs for Parents

What do you and I look for in our kids?

Do these indicators enable our children to have a wonderful life and make a living?

Are these the pointers that make parenting easier and more fun?

In my parenting classes I hear two general messages from parents:

I want the kids to be happy
I wish they behaved differently (!)

Parents Desire Signs for Happiness…

As we uncover these desires, parents agree that happy kids espouse positive attitudes and acquire social and emotional skills.

How do children learn these? Like everything else. Either they learn it right the first time or they have to re-learn. And that often requires correction. Parents in my coaching call this “policing” – (verb) the need to check that kids’ undesirable behavior is not being done!

And it’s NO FUN.

…YET Mom & Dad are On-the-Lookout for Trouble

Much of family change management (a sophisticated term for parental discipline) is focused on fixing what’s broke. We look for the problems and then solve them.

We look for problems!

What if WE LOOK FOR POTENTIAL STRENGTHS?!

It’s a revolutionary paradigm shift!

We begin to look for different signs.

Instead of focusing on the child's problems, why not seek out his potential strengths. Revolutionary paradigm shift. Click to Tweet

Check out these examples:

(This inclusive, strength-based approach is called Appreciative Inquiry and was developped by David Cooperrider at Case-Western University. Here is a story-telling video by Jackie Kelm, author of Appreciative Living, which clearly describes the inspiring principle. Appreciative Inquiry works in groups as large as the US Army and as intimate as your and my family.)

The Angry Child

Problem Sign = Trantrum

Potential Strength Sign = Calming Down

What helps her calm down? Where is your daughter most calm?
When was the last time your son was able to overcome anger? What happened that made this possible?

The Disrespectful Child

Problem Sign = Does not listen. Parents repeat. Repeat. REPEAT.

Potential Strength Sign = Showing Interest

When was your daughter passionate about something? How was your exchange: were you a know-it-all or was she discovering answers on her own? Did you speak in statements or through questions?

The Whining Child

It’s the season of Thanksgiving. During family reunions, when remembering folks with gratitude, whining is a Problem Sign!

Gratitude endears both the one being grateful and those who are appreciated.

Finding YOUR Child’s Potential Strength Signs

Can we help you find the Potential Strengths Signs in your children?

Parents often come to us when they’re discouraged. The Problem Signs tend to be the most glaringly visible and it’s hard to see anything else.

It can even be a challenge to know which qualities are most important for YOUR family.

Let us know which of these qualities is most important for you to build up in your child

Trying to transmit all of these SIMULTANEOUSLY is a daunting task. So break it down into do-able tasks. 🙂

That’s where SoSooper can help you to

Identify the qualities you desire to transmit to your child
Identify the signs that indicate you’re going that way (or not!)
Create paths to intentionally PREVENT (vs. correct) getting side-tracked or feeling lost

Talk soon.

10 Skills Teens Need to Succeed

Posted on 31 October 2017 6 November 2017 by Denise

When your child leaves home, replacing the school book bag with the briefcase, what skills do you want him to master?

Probably reading, writing, and arithmetic.

Yet when we ask this question in our Positive Discipline parenting classes, moms and dads don’t even mention the 3R’s. Parents focus directly on the Soft Skills like

Confidence.

Search for excellence.

Tolerance.

Wise Decision-Making.

…

Where are the Teens with Skills to Thrive?

Employers agree these are the traits that lead to success. They also lament that entry level students lack Soft-Skill-Savvy.

PayScale, the largest salary level database in the world, reports a major disconnect between what employers seek in their entry level students and what universities teach. A whopping 50-55% of college graduates are either unemployed or underemployed!

The skills employers seek are the hardest to find as per the Employment Gap study by Millenial Branding & Experience, Inc.

Students may have mastered Algebra and Molecular Biology, but they’re tottering in Teamwork and Self-Management.

Teens are concerned and so are their parents. That’s why Harvard Business School alumni who are also parents listened in on Marie Schwartz, founder and CEO of TeenLife, as she presented the 10 Skills Teens Need to Succeed. (The slide above is from her material)

Here is Schwartz’s list of Skills to Succeed:

Drive/passion
Independence/Self-Management
Time-Management/Prioritization
Interpersonal Skills
Cultural Awareness
Verbal & Written Communication
Teamwork & Collaboration
Critical Thinking/Problem-Solving
Technical Know-How
Grit/Determination

How will our children learn these skills to thrive?

The way you and I parent matters.

Even with the best intentions, we moms and dads can alienate our teens (and teach them to reject our values)…or we can connect with them and give ourselves a chance to keep training our kids in positive skills.

Our parental responses teach our kids. What will they learn?

Teen lessons: “I better not get caught next time.” & “Am I REALLY capable?”

I don’t have time to teach these skills!

Too much on your plate already?

It’s not a matter of “adding to your plate.” Try doing some of the same tasks DIFFERENTLY.

Here’s an example (and one day I will write 5 ways to Teach Teen Skills without Taking more Time)

1. Build Confidence through a Household Chore
  The children are needed and the family counts on them. “Darling, I NEED my table setter to do his job BEFORE the beans burn!”
2. Teach Respect & Humility through another Household Chore (!)
  It’s hard to treat Mom like the maid when the kids vacuum too!
3. Practice Teamwork through…a Family Team Clean!!! (on the SoSooper App)
  Intentionally develop a culture of collaboration. “Family helps family. It’s what we do.”
4. Encourage Love of Excellence & Self-Evaluation by Inspecting the Household Chore
  “An O.K. job of cleaning the sink is when there are no pink toothpaste smudges. A super clean sink has shiny chrome. What quality job have you done?”
5. Instill Self-Management by kindly and firmly insisting on Household Chore…
  “Sweetheart, we said you may play with you friends WHEN the laundry is folded. How is the laundry now? (in the dryer) Then you know what to do.”
(You guessed that I believe in inviting the children to participate in household tasks.)

Transmitting life skills to kids requires parent passion and grit more than it requires money or even time.

Transmitting life skills to kids requires parent passion and grit more than money or even time. Click to Tweet

Where and how to start?

That’s where parent coaching can come in handy
- To identify the family-helping tasks that truly make life easier for the parents AND are age-appropriate for the kids
- To share ways to on-board the children so that they feel engaged and want to participate
- To get YOUR reminders remember to follow through the children
- To learn tools to present your requests so that children listen
- To follow through effectively and avoiding power struggles
- …
Drop us a line

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