From “Brush your teeth” to “I love you”

This post is for moms and dads who feel like they repeat themselves 1000x/day.

How can we get children to listen IN OUR HOME?

Effective parenting tools are great…but help me apply them!

That’s why we developed SoSooper Parent + Child workshops like the one we held on Saturday: Stop Repeating Yourself – Listen with Curiosity Questions.

Sign up for this workshop.  We’re doing it again in central Paris on October 7.

Parents Want Tools & Kids Want Play

The parents’ objective centered on getting the kids to listen.
They wondered how it could be possible.  Of course some folk (even within the same couple) were more dubious than others.

The children wanted to have fun, go on an outing, and be with mom and dad.

We aim to please both.  The smiling faces tell us we did.

We’re doing So Sooper!

Surprise-filled Activities

Parents & Children switch roles

“Kids, would you like to play Mom & Dad for a while?”  Children’s eyes popped excitedly…and off we went to try on costumes.

Scene 1:

The parents’ eyes and ears grew wide as they heard their children give them instructions.  In a commanding voice, 6-year-old told his dad to “Put his coat on” and to “Stop playing on the computer.”

Father responded with “No, no, no” until he exclaimed, “Woah! Son.  You’re bossing me around!”

Hummm.

Scene 2:

The children (acting as parents) then replaced the instructions with questions. Here was a fun exchange:

Parent (played by a child): “What is our agreement on Computer Time?”

Child (played by a parent speaking defiantly): “I can play when I want!”

Parent (played by a child): “What is OUR AGREEMENT on Computer Time?”

Child (played by a parent):  Silence. “OK.  10 minutes.”

Everyone agreed that it felt better to be saying and hearing the questions.

But, parents enquired, how can we come up with the right questions when we need them?

Digging for Questions

For our next activity, parents and children gathered together in their own family units and explored for questions.

The kids knew by heart (!) the instructions repeated 1000 times.  They rarely really understood why.

Precious Sharing

Here is a precious exchange between a father and child:

Child: “I know, I know.  You always repeat that I need to brush my teeth.  Why is it important to brush my teeth?

Father: “So that you don’t have cavities.”

Child: What is important about a vacaty?”

Father: “A cavity is when your tooth gets sick and it hurts a lot.”

Child: Why is it important that my teeth don’t hurt?”

Father: “Because I love you.  I don’t want you to hurt.”

Child: Smile. “Because you love me.” Grin.

Finding Solutions

Together they came up with a question that Dad could ask at teeth brushing time,
“What do you need to do so that your teeth won’t hurt?”

 

This is what SoSooper is about.  Turning a challenging situation into a moment of connection between parent and child.

SoSooper helps parents turn a challenge into solutions while staying connecting with their… Click to Tweet

Join us next week.  We’re doing this same workshop in the center of Paris.  Click here to sign up.

home

Calm Kids’ Anger – Create Positive Routines TOGETHER

How perplexing for a parent when his child bursts out in anger!

Where did THAT come from?

How to calm the fury?

How to avoid the anger?

Do you know?

Kids get frustrated (then annoyed, then angry) when they do not know what to expect.
That’s why finding a solution TOGETHER is so powerful.

Join our Parent + Child Workshop

  • When:    Saturday, Sept 23 from 3:30 – 5:00 pm
  • Where:     American Church in Paris, 65 quai d’Orsay, 75007, Room G7
  • How much:    20€ per family
  • With:    Denise Dampierre (me) – Positive Discipline trainer,
    Mom of 4 boys, Harvard MBA

    
 parent child workshop for anger management

Here’s what we’ll do TOGETHER

1. Hunt down “the Issue”

EVERY family has an issue.  For you it might be getting out the door on time, for another it could be interrupting, and for a yet another it might be about TV time.

No family is perfect…which is what makes life so interesting and gives us hope for growth.

Through fun activities, we’ll help you put a name to that moment that makes one of you fly off the handle.  You’ll see that you are in great company…and maybe you’ll even smile (a tiny bit) about it :).

2. Remember the LOVE

The reason you all get worked up is because you care.

We’ll lead you in an activity for family loving.  Not corny.  Totally funny.

3. Make a Wish List

There is an issue, so TOGETHER, you and your child will discuss “the dream situation.”  If you had a magic want, you would…..

Some of those wishes could even come true.  We’ll help you  pick & choose.  This becomes your positive routine.

4. Create a Positive Routine Chart

Now that you have your plan, we’ll help you create your own PERSONALIZED reminder.

Check what these kids did…and notice how proud they are of themselves!

5. Enjoy Goûter

Nothing like a little moment to recharge and to mingle with other like-minded parents and kids.

We’ll be around to answer your questions too.

Family Feedback ToolKit

Tip Top Family Activity

One of our most strategic family activities.  It helps everyone focus on growth and on becoming the best person we can be.

Read more about The Family Feedback.

The ToolKit includes

  • Tips for success
  • Worksheet (one for each participant)
  • Recap sheet – to remember your goals throughout the year

Click on the images below to download

Tips

Worksheet

Recap

Happy New Year tiara for girl

The Family Feedback with little children

How much can your young child tell you about YOUR job as a parent?

Quite a lot.

By listening you share encouraging words for your kids.

The Family Feedback with tots

The Family Feedback is ONE GREAT FAMILY TIME where kids give feedback to parents. They start with the good stuff 🙂 and move onto deeper discussion.  Read more here.

For very young kids, we stick to sharing family highlights.  

You want your kids to associate “family” with “fun”?  Then ask them to tell you about a fun time with Mom or Dad.  This strengthens the neural messaging in their brains so that they can more easily access memories of great times as a family.

Our brain is amazing…and malleable.

Ask, “Tell me about a time you felt really happy with us.”

“When we played ball together.”

Help your child fully recall with the experience through specific and factual questions.

“What color was our ball?” “Was it before or after lunch?” “Who else was playing with us?”

Then gently probe for what generated the positive emotions.

“What was soooooo great?” “Which part made you feel the most special?”  “What did you do to show you were happy?”

Thank your child.  

“Your telling me when you were happy makes me very happy too.  Thanks, Darling.”

We tried it & loved it

Here’s what one mother shared after a SoSooper workshop where she and her three year old daughter enjoyed such a conversation:

“My daughter was probably a little bit young (only 3) and I think was struggling to really engage with the activities. However, even though she dealt with it on her level, I think she still got a lot out of the experience – and found it nice that it was a time where mummy was ready to listen to her and find out what she found fun and loving about being in our family.

This workshop reminded me that we do all right as a family (eating together, playing together, respecting each other). As I’m sure you know only too well – it’s a tricky job, mummying, and can seem very unrewarding sometimes. If I were a business, (actually I’m a secondary school teacher) I wouldn’t put up with clients who were so demanding and so seemingly ungrateful for all my efforts. I think what you’re doing is so important – just like in any job, you have training for that ‘shot in the arm’ of enthusiasm and clarity to do your job better every day. Parents need that more than anyone!”

Free downloadDownload Free Tools

SoSooper prepared some worksheets for you:

  • to prepare
  • to succeed
  • to remember

Click here to get your free downloads.

Cover photo by Jerry Kiesewetter on Unsplash

Boy on swing set

Build a Thriving Family Culture

Games are fun.  AND they have a purpose & rules.

What if life–and the culture of our families–were like a game:  

  • fun
  • with a purpose
  • with clear guidelines to know how to excel, to be one’s best together 🙂

Life’s BIG rules are called values.  These foundational principles express an understanding of right & wrong, of helpful vs. harmful.  Communities, like family, thrive with positive and common values.

Families enjoy a culture where everyone thrives when “the way WE do things” is clear, helpful, and practiced by all.

The BUILD A THRIVING FAMILY CULTURE web-workshop enables parents & children, together, BOTH to identify the essential guiding principles for their home AND to put them into action.

What You Gain

Join us as we guide parents & kids in making family life fun, purpose-filled, and a means for all to thrive.  We’ll help you

  • Identify your top KEY VALUES
  • Explore how these principles translate into action
  • Create a personalized and visual reminder to keep practicing those values at home.
Family values tree
Family culture is alive, growing, and fruitful…like trees. Hospitality with family means taking turns…

 

What is it?

It’s ½ hour of time well spent in rich parent-child discussion.   This is an online event for parents with their children. You connect through the Internet from the comfort of your couch and cuddle up with your kids.  We guide you in a family discussion and a simple craft.

With SOSOOPER Web-Workshops

– Moms and dads establish a framework .
– Kids get heard.
– Everyone wins.

With whom? How?  When? How much?

Our online seminars are for parents AND their children.  These facilitated family discussions are led by Denise Dampierre, founder and CEO of SoSooper where we re-open dialogue between parents & kids.

  • Schedule an online seminar just for your family. Send your request and date preferences.  We’ll work it out.  Personalized seminars run $40 per ½ hour.
  • Contact us to ask about group online seminar.  See our Calendar for upcoming dates.  Participation to be discussed.

Sign up on the SoSooper App for our Build a Thriving Family Culture online seminar to create a family culture where everyone thrives.

What folks say
‘Build a Thriving Family Culture’ is SOSOOPER!

From Sabrina – “New Thoughts”

This is Sabrina here!
I enjoyed the activities a lot!   Our family chose ‘Respect” as main value.   The workshop made me really think about how I should be respectful at different times of the day. I never really thought about the different ways thoroughly.
Thank you for that!

From Naomi – “You mean values lead to actions!!!”

Thank you so much for organizing the activities for us! I found that they really made me think about family values and how i can put them into action. I also found it interesting to hear what my mother, little sister and I thought about the different ways we could be respectful and at different times. The activities made me think about values and respect from a different and deeper perspective!
Thanks.

From Nina – “Such positive mother-daughter talk :)”

Dear Denise,

A gigantic and heartfelt thank-you for last evening’s web workshop! As you must have read between the lines in their respective emails, Naomi and Sabrina were completely and pleasantly surprised as they had barely any clue of what to expect although we had printed out the worksheets together.

What was amazing was how all three of us focused on respect amongst all the values – maybe it was the fact that we keep stressing on the need for this or the fact that we often tend to lose track of it amidst our daily stresses and hectic routines. It was instant agreement on the prized value.

The girls are both committed participants now and you must have received their feedback forms already! Thank you so much for also replying to them instantly and giving them so much encouragement. You are absolutely right in advising us to keep trying even if we stumble and rise again.

I think the big change is that we are learning to remove ourselves from the situation and are learning to view it objectively from various angles. Taking a cue from you, we have also been trying to role play to learn more about our feelings, thoughts and actions!

Thank you again, Denise, for becoming a part of our family life on a day-to-day basis!

 

Cover Photo by Myles Tan on Unsplash

Grow Kindness – Parent Prep & Follow Up

Want more kindness at home?  Make a plan, put it into action, and follow through.

Centered around the Grow Kindness workshop, we help parents to define their goals and to get the kids excited to join in the effort.

We also help moms and dads follow up effectively with their children after the Grow Kindness workshop.

Parent Prep consists of a pre-workshop video.

You can choose to join the follow up webinar or select the personalized option which addresses your specific concerns and needs.

 

Grow Kindness Workshop

What would your home look, feel, and sound like with more kindness?

Nice…Loverrrrly…..ABSOLUTELY AWESOME!

We can always benefit from additional kindness.  How do we get it? How do we grow it?

SoSooper is taking a creative perspective on the richness of kindness.  What if the medium of exchange in our homes were kindness?

Mom offers Son benevolence when he spills his milk and patiently teaches him to clean it up.  Dad listens with forbearance as Child bemoans the broken toy.  When he reminds her that the treasure broke because she and Brother fought over it, he does so tenderly and extending grace.  Parents remain courteous while resolving a conflict.  Daughter accepts to set the table with good will.  Parents affectionately wish their Teen a fun outing AND remind her amiably of her curfew

What You Gain

Join us as we take an entrepreneurial look at growing kindness.  We’ll explore

  • Identify your family’s awesomeness and your behaviors favor the IN-COME of kindness
  • Take stock of the words and actions in your household that are at the EXPENSE of “gentillesse.”  These are your oppertoooniteez to lurn.
  • Plan fun ways for the entire family to BENEFIT from your growing solicitude.

We’ll follow how the B____ kids who, through their ultra-cute lemonade stand, gain more mon(ey), more fun, and more yum(my)…all because they built on the foundation of kindness.

We conclude every seminar with a practical application.  This time, participants make Kindness Gifts.

White boy thanking black woman

What is it?

It’s ½ hour of time well spent in rich parent-child discussion.   This is an online event for parents with their children. You connect through the Internet from the comfort of your couch and cuddle up with your kids.  We guide you in a family discussion and a simple craft.

With SOSOOPER Web-Workshops

– Moms and dads establish a framework .
– Kids get heard.
– Everyone wins.

 With whom? How?  When? How much?

Our online seminars are for parents AND their children.  These facilitated family discussions are led by Denise Dampierre, founder and CEO of SoSooper Families.

  • Join a group online seminar. See our Calendar for upcoming dates.  Participation is $20 per family.
  • Schedule an online seminar just for your family. Send your request and date preferences.  We’ll work it out.  Personalized seminars run $40 per ½ hour.

Sign up for our Grow Kindness online seminar to help family blossom with encouragement and a doable steps to be helpful, considerate, and thankful.

[av_heading heading=’Grow Kindness is SOSOOPER!’ tag=’h3′ style=” size=” subheading_active=” subheading_size=’15’ padding=’10’ color=” custom_font=”][/av_heading]

[av_testimonials style=’grid’ columns=’2′ interval=’5′ font_color=’custom’ custom_title=” custom_content=’#1cb3e6′]
[av_testimonial_single src=” name=’Emma’ subtitle=’Kids Want More’ link=’http://’ linktext=”]
Thank you for the workshop and for your dedication to help our family grow happier and stronger…

We just had a great time together doing this, the children and I loved taking that moment to tell (and write down) to one another that we love eachother and what we appreciate most. The children asked for more of it, so I wish I can find more to print on your web site.
[/av_testimonial_single]
[av_testimonial_single src=” name=’Manu’ subtitle=’Clear. Catchy. Valuable.’ link=” linktext=”]
The workshop was great: the theme was clear and catchy.  I presonally appreciated the parallel with the business development.  It made it clear that the success our family is tied to our input of love and joy.

The illustrated slide show is good too:  clear and simple.   We got your message:  there is value (intangible and even tangible) to investing time together to demonstrating love.

Thanks.
[/av_testimonial_single]
[av_testimonial_single src=” name=’Helen’ subtitle=’Great for me & my 3 year old’ link=” linktext=”]
My daughter was probably a little bit young (only 3) and I think was struggling to really engage with the activities. However, even though she dealt with it on her level, I think she still got a lot out of the experience – and found it nice that it was a time where mummy was ready to listen to her and find out what she found fun and loving about being in our family.

This workshop reminded me that we do all right as a family (eating together, playing together, respecting each other). As I’m sure you know only too well – it’s a tricky job, mummying, and can seem very unrewarding sometimes. If I were a business, (actually I’m a secondary school teacher) I wouldn’t put up with clients who were so demanding and so seemingly ungrateful for all my efforts. I think what you’re doing is so important – just like in any job, you have training for that ‘shot in the arm’ of enthusiasm and clarity to do your job better every day. Parents need that more than anyone!
[/av_testimonial_single]
[/av_testimonials]

[av_heading heading=’Grow Kindness Photo Reportage’ tag=’h3′ style=” size=” subheading_active=” subheading_size=’15’ padding=’10’ color=” custom_font=”][/av_heading]

Workshop parents and kids together

Grow Kindness

What would your home look, feel, and sound like with more kindness?

Nice…Loverrrrly…..ABSOLUTELY AWESOME!

We can always benefit from additional kindness.  How do we get it? How do we grow it?

SoSooper is taking a creative perspective on the richness of kindness.  What if the medium of exchange in our homes were kindness?

Mom offers Son benevolence when he spills his milk and patiently teaches him to clean it up.  Dad listens with forbearance as Child bemoans the broken toy.  When he reminds her that the treasure broke because she and Brother fought over it, he does so tenderly and extending grace.  Parents remain courteous while resolving a conflict.  Daughter accepts to set the table with good will.  Parents affectionately wish their Teen a fun outing AND remind her amiably of her curfew

What You Gain

Join us as we take an entrepreneurial look at growing kindness.  We’ll explore

  • Identify your family’s awesomeness and your behaviors favor the IN-COME of kindness
  • Take stock of the words and actions in your household that are at the EXPENSE of “gentillesse.”  These are your oppertoooniteez to lurn.
  • Plan fun ways for the entire family to BENEFIT from your growing solicitude.

We’ll follow how the B____ kids who, through their ultra-cute lemonade stand, gain more mon(ey), more fun, and more yum(my)…all because they built on the foundation of kindness.

We conclude every seminar with a practical application.  This time, participants make Kindness Gifts.

White boy thanking black woman

What is it?

It’s ½ hour of time well spent in rich parent-child discussion.   This is an online event for parents with their children. You connect through the Internet from the comfort of your couch and cuddle up with your kids.  We guide you in a family discussion and a simple craft.

With SOSOOPER Web-Workshops

– Moms and dads establish a framework .
– Kids get heard.
– Everyone wins.

 With whom? How?  When? How much?

Our online seminars are for parents AND their children.  These facilitated family discussions are led by Denise Dampierre, founder and CEO of SoSooper Families.

  • Join a group online seminar. See our Calendar for upcoming dates.  Participation is $20 per family.
  • Schedule an online seminar just for your family. Send your request and date preferences.  We’ll work it out.  Personalized seminars run $40 per ½ hour.

Sign up for our Grow Kindness online seminar to help family blossom with encouragement and a doable steps to be helpful, considerate, and thankful.

[av_heading heading=’Grow Kindness is SOSOOPER!’ tag=’h3′ style=” size=” subheading_active=” subheading_size=’15’ padding=’10’ color=” custom_font=”][/av_heading]

[av_testimonials style=’grid’ columns=’2′ interval=’5′ font_color=’custom’ custom_title=” custom_content=’#1cb3e6′]
[av_testimonial_single src=” name=’Emma’ subtitle=’Kids Want More’ link=’http://’ linktext=”]
Thank you for the workshop and for your dedication to help our family grow happier and stronger…

We just had a great time together doing this, the children and I loved taking that moment to tell (and write down) to one another that we love eachother and what we appreciate most. The children asked for more of it, so I wish I can find more to print on your web site.
[/av_testimonial_single]
[av_testimonial_single src=” name=’Manu’ subtitle=’Clear. Catchy. Valuable.’ link=” linktext=”]
The workshop was great: the theme was clear and catchy.  I presonally appreciated the parallel with the business development.  It made it clear that the success our family is tied to our input of love and joy.

The illustrated slide show is good too:  clear and simple.   We got your message:  there is value (intangible and even tangible) to investing time together to demonstrating love.

Thanks.
[/av_testimonial_single]
[av_testimonial_single src=” name=’Helen’ subtitle=’Great for me & my 3 year old’ link=” linktext=”]
My daughter was probably a little bit young (only 3) and I think was struggling to really engage with the activities. However, even though she dealt with it on her level, I think she still got a lot out of the experience – and found it nice that it was a time where mummy was ready to listen to her and find out what she found fun and loving about being in our family.

This workshop reminded me that we do all right as a family (eating together, playing together, respecting each other). As I’m sure you know only too well – it’s a tricky job, mummying, and can seem very unrewarding sometimes. If I were a business, (actually I’m a secondary school teacher) I wouldn’t put up with clients who were so demanding and so seemingly ungrateful for all my efforts. I think what you’re doing is so important – just like in any job, you have training for that ‘shot in the arm’ of enthusiasm and clarity to do your job better every day. Parents need that more than anyone!
[/av_testimonial_single]
[/av_testimonials]

[av_heading heading=’Grow Kindness Photo Reportage’ tag=’h3′ style=” size=” subheading_active=” subheading_size=’15’ padding=’10’ color=” custom_font=”][/av_heading]

Workshop parents and kids together

Family Feedback from Kids

Do you know what your kids LOVE about your family?  When did you last ask and really listen?

How about the ONE THING that would hugely improve family life for them?

We often get their feedback through passing comments like:

“Thanks for the cookie.”  (aaah!)

“Brush teeth?  I did it….yesterday.”  (huh?)

“Dad, you just don’t get it.”  (ouch…)

These tidbits contribute to your relationship in tiny bits.  Kids’ Family Feedback creates the time and the conditions for positive give and take.

Parents will learn

  • ONE GREAT BEHAVIOR:  what each child thinks you do well and wants you to keep doing
  • ONE BEHAVIOR TO TWEAK: what bothers them, why that is important, and what they wish would happen instead

Kids THRIVE on being heard.  They get center stage with a mission to make family be its best.  It’s a responsibility.  The SOSOOPER online seminar helps them live up to it and coaches them in giving feeback respectfully and positively.

What you gain

  • Proof that kids know your weaknesses AND love you still
  • Clarification of the life-skills your kids want you to model for them.  Phew.  You need not be perfect everywhere simultaneously!
  • Increased trust as children hear you listen attentively.
  • Practical solutions to family challenges
  • Great memories that Home is indeed Sweet Home

What is it?

It’s ½ hour of time well spent.  Transform weeks of nagging about school work into succinct responsibility-building reminders to help kids be motivated to do their best.

With whom? How?  When? How much?

Our online seminars are for parents AND their children.  These facilitated family discussions are led by Denise Dampierre, founder and CEO of SoSooper Families.

  • Join a group online seminar. See our Calendar for upcoming dates.  Participation is $20 per family.
  • Schedule an online seminar just for your family. Send your request and date preferences.  We’ll work it out.  Personalized seminars run $40 per ½ hour.

Sign up for our Family Feedback from Kids online seminar to help family grow and thrive.