Respect

Le Respect Donnant Donnant

Le Cadeau du Jour sur le calendrier de l’avent Joy. Peace. Love. @ Home

Les Tickets Super-Dose de Respect
de SoSooper

Comment recevoir un cadeau ? Faites le quizz amusant du Calendrier de l’Avent pour Parents aujourd’hui, et vous pourriez être le chanceux qui gagnera le tirage !

Le respect est un de ces mots dont tout le monde connaît la signification mais que l’on définit rarement ou l’assimile à quelque chose dans notre maison.

Le cadeau d’aujourd’hui offre un moyen plus efficace de résoudre le conflit que par un Grand Discours sur le respect qui laisse le parent et l’enfant frustrés.

Cadeau de respect de l'enfantR.E.S.P.E.C.T.ez les parents

Tous les parents ont déjà eu une conversation comme celle-ci :

Un parent demande à son enfant :”Chérie, est-ce que tu peux mettre la table s’il te plaît ?” (ou ranger ta chambre, ou arrêtez de jouer aux jeux vidéos…)

L’enfant : Pas de réponse

Le parent : “Mon coeur?!”

L’enfant choisi une des réponses suivantes :

  • Il fait les gros yeux. Il est avachi.
    ou
  • “ Tu me choisi toujours. Pourquoi tu ne demandes pas à mon frère ? Il a aussi joué…”
    ou
  • “N.O.N.”

Le parent, à juste titre fâché et prenant personnellement la réponse de l’enfant, se lance dans un discours où il lui dit : Tu ne dois pas manquer de respect à tes parents.

“Pardon?! C’est à ta M.A.M.A.N. (ou ton P.A.P.A.) à qui tu t’adresses. Tu ne peux pas me parler de cette façon. Je fais tout ça pour toi et … blabla … blabla… Est-ce que tu m’entends?”

Vous, le parent avez l’impression d’avoir fait votre travail en reprenant votre enfant. C’était une discussion nécessaire.

Votre enfant va peut-être marmonner des excuses ou alors baisser les yeux. Jusqu’à la prochaine fois.

Dans la tête de l’enfant

Que pense cet enfant de son parent ?

Est-ce que c’est vers cette personne qu’il se tournera quand il ne se sent pas en sécurité ?

Quand il sait qu’il a fait une erreur et qu’il ne sait pas quoi faire après ?

Comment comprend t-il le sens du mot respect ? Est-ce que le R.E.S.P.E.C.T. signifie que les enfants devrait parler poliment à leurs parents mais les mamans et les papas peuvent-ils toujours s’énerver contre eux ?

Aïe !

Le cadeau du jour offre un moyen plus efficace de résoudre les conflits que par une discussion qui laisse le parent et l’enfant frustrés.

C’est un cadeau où les parents acceptent d’arrêter le “grand discours” à la demande d’un enfant.

Quand est-ce que l’enfant va apprendre la leçon ?

Dans nos ateliers de Discipline Positive, nous jouons des jeux de rôle de ce genre de situations. Un parent prend le rôle de l’enfant et reçoit une tirade d’instructions.

“J’ai arrêté d’écouter” est la réponse la plus commune.

Il y a de fortes chances que votre enfant se bouche les oreilles avant même que vous ayez commencer votre discours.

Il est temps d’aborder le problème. Quand le parent et l’enfant sont calmes. C’est à ce moment que vous pouvez poser des questions qui révèlent des motivations, des croyances et des attentes de votre enfant.

Le cadeau du jour permet de maintenir un lien positif avec votre enfant afin que vous puissiez résoudre pleinement et efficacement le comportement désagréable.

 

Comment fonctionne les “Tickets de Respect” ?

Gift of Respect of parentsGift of respect of kids

Les “Tickets de Respect” incluent :

  • 3 “tickets” que vos enfants peuvent utiliser afin de vous demander d’arrêter vos “grand discours”. Vous pourriez aborder le sujet plus tard, mais pas maintenant et sans discoures.
    Sur ce document, vous trouverez trois phrases :

    • “C’est pas la fin du monde”
    • “J’ai besoin d’air “
    • “T’inquiète “
  • 2 “tickets” que vous pouvez utiliser avec vos enfants pour leur dire STOP N.E.T.

Chaque mois, l’enfant peut jouer avec chaque de ses “tickets”. Trois fois par mois, l’enfant peut demander à sa maman ou son papa d’arrêter de lui faire la leçon.

Chaque mois, le parent a deux “Stops” qu’il peut utiliser. Fini les chamailleries entre frères.  Plus de derniers mots. Stop !

Le Cadeau du Respect dans la Vrai Vie

Une maman conduisait son fils à un événement sportif et il était en retard… encore. La maman, légèrement agacée a commencé à dire à son fils comment c’était frustrant car c’était la même chose chaque semaine.  Encore et encore.

De l’arrière de la voiture, elle entend, “J’ai besoin d’air”.

Maman : “Chérie, est-ce que tu viens de dire ‘j’ai besoin d’air’ pour me demander de me calmer ?”

L’enfant : “Ouais”

Maman : “Oh”.

La maman remarque qu’elle boue de l’intérieur. Après tout, elle a raison; son fils est toujours en retard.

Et elle se rend compte de sa colère et qu’elle n’avait pas l’esprit d’aider son enfant à trouver une solution pour son retard.  Elle voulait lui donner une leçon!

Cela lui demande un GRAND effort, néanmoins elle se retient et n’aborde plus le sujet pour le reste du trajet.

Bien sûr, cette question pèse toujours sur sa conscience. Pendant que son enfant pratique son sport, elle y réfléchi et se rend compte qu’il doit y avoir une raison sous-jacente au retard répété de son fils.

Cette nuit, quand elle a mit son enfant au lit, elle s’assit à côté de lui et lui posa quelques questions.

  • Chérie, j’ai remarqué que tu es souvent en retard en ce moment. Est-ce que tu l’as remarqué aussi
  • Qu’est-ce qui te mets en retard ?
  • Qu’est-ce qu’il pourrait t’aider à être à l’heure ?
  • Laquelle de ces nouvelles idées peux-tu appliquer par toi-même ?
  • Comment est-ce que je pourrais t’aider ?

Difficile & Puissant

Cette maman a conclu par : “J’ai une relation amour – haine avec ce cadeau du respect.

Je déteste quand mon manque d’autorité est mis au grand jour. Je déteste quand je ne peux pas le faire à ma façon et juste dire ce que j’ai en tête.

Et pourtant, j’adore que ma relation avec mes enfants évolue. Nous partageons énormément, nous ne faisions pas ça avant. J’adore quand mes enfants essaye de me parler de sujets sensibles comme le sexe, la drogue, le rock n ‘roll, les amis et les fêtes…. J’adore la façon dont les enfants expriment leur amour pour moi même quand j’agis plutôt désagréablement. Maintenant, ce sont eux qui me disent : “Est-ce qu’on peut parler de ça plus tard quand nous serons tous les deux calmés ?”

Nous avons utilisé le cadeau du respect pendant environ deux ans. Après cela, notre façon de gérer les crises et les mauvaises conduites a totalement changé et aujourd’hui nous n’en n’avons plus besoin. ”

Photo de Renato Mora sur Unsplash

laughing child

Smile … all day

Today’s Gift on the Joy. Peace. Love. @ Home advent calendar for parents

3 beauty pouches “Colibri” (just the right size for lipstick or pencils)
from Beija Flore  

How to receive this gift?  Take the fun quiz on the Parent Advent Calendar today and you could be the lucky one to win the draw.

Trousses Colibri de Beija Flore

Beija Flore is offering THREE pouches.  Will you change your lipstick pouch with the seasons … or enjoy a mother-daughter duo…or give one to your mother-in-law (with a smile, of course)?  Thanks to their generosity, you get to choose.

Beija Flore makes practical pouches with beautiful Liberty fabrics.  Colorful, they are easy to find in the purse.  Stylish, they are delightful to pull out in fpublic.  Practical, they fit the necessities for mom and child

Beauty pouch necessities for maman:

  • a lip pencil,
  • a small mirror
  • several lipsticks

Beauty pouch necessities for child:

  • a few band-aids
  • a tube of arnica granules.
    Arnica speeds up healing…and the slightly sweet granules melting on a child’s tongue soothes physical and emotional “booboos” alike

 

Life-Changing Power of Smiles

Did you know that a smile changes life?

Harvard Business School professor, Amy Cuddy, shares in her TedTalk how “faking it” (the smile) enables one to make it (to stimulate happiness hormones so that we authentically feel better.)

Smiling people attract attention.

As a start-up I attend multiple events with notable speakers…and, after their talk, I regularly go up to comment.  People recognize me.  “I saw you in the room.  You were smiling.

And a smile makes a difference for your child too.

smiles

Changing Home-life with Smiles

Try this.

Call your child over.

(CHILD’s NAME)!

They might come hesitantly.  When you and I call our children’s name it is often for what they might interpret as “bad news”:  a chore to be done, a request to hurry, a correction…

This time, when your kids responds to your summons, just smile at them.  With your lips, your eyes, and your tone of voice as you share how wonderful it is to have them in the family.

Smiling Results

As you do this occasionally, several changes occur;

  • A new you – you become aware of your tone of voice as you call the children. Next time you want them to pick up their dirty shoes from the front hallway, you might even call them over to first smile (connect), then clean up (correct)
  • A new response from the children – Can we blame the kids for dragging their feet when they know it’s for parent-imposed work? Wouldn’t you respond differently if you wondered, “What will they have to say this time?”

One Mom’s story

One mother shared this:

We live in a house with a spiral staircase.  I’m often in the kitchen and the children are upstairs.  I used to feel that I was shouting at them all the time to come down and DO (set the table, do homework, pick up…)

Then I decided to call them to BE together.  Instead of shouting (!) their name while standing at the kitchen sink, I would physically move my body to the bottom of the stairs where I could speak their name and they could hear it.

They would scramble down…and I would pat on one the steps so we could look at each other eye-to-eye.

Mom: “Tell me one great thing about your day, darling.

And we spoke for one or two minutes.  Just the two of us.  Without the interruption of his brother and sister.

Mom: “Thanks, sweetheart.  Enjoy playing…and remind me, what happens when the buzzer rings?”

He’s already running off while answering, “Clean up toys!”

The volume went down in our home, the chores still got done, and the joy went up.

One Child’s Story

And here’s what another child shared:

“I like it when you have that lip stuff.  I can see your smile when you’re far away.”

Don’t leave home without your lipstick snuggled into your Liberty fabric lipstick pouch 🙂

Family coaching paradigm

See through Someone Else’s Eyes

Today’s Gift on the Joy. Peace. Love. @ Home advent calendar for parents

One hour of Family Coaching
with Jane Mobille, PCC Professional Certified Coach working with executives, individuals, and families 

How to receive this 1 hour off on a Family Coaching session?  Take the fun quiz on the Parent Advent Calendar today and you could be the lucky one to win the draw.

What is Family Coaching?

Family coaching benefit

A family coaching session is a special kind of confidential conversation between a coach, and a family wishing to explore a specific issue causing tension among members at home. The coach receives the family with compassion, curiosity, and non-judgment. Each member of the family has the opportunity to share their perspective on the situation while the others listen. The coach leads the family in an exploration of choices and impacts. The goal is to come up with a few actions to implement in order to reach a solution which satisfies the needs of each family member.

As the teen shared with Jane in his text message:  PHEW!

 

The Generational Paradigm Gap

Do you expect your children to share your priorities?

We often hope so. In an ideal world, the children would brush their teeth without needing reminding, they would be ready on time to go to school, and they would be motivated for school work and have a vision for their future.

Reality check.

Our children like to play, get distracted and want attention, and simple tasks can take forever to accomplish.

Parents and kids see the world through different lenses. This paradigm gap creates stress in families.

Today’s gift helps create bridges between the mother, father, and children’s perspectives.

smiling teenager with parents

Jane is a Professional Certified Coach (PCC) currently coaching executives at Kedge Business School and leading her own practice for executives, individuals, and families. She especially enjoys coaching teens and young adults as they build confidence, make intentional choices, and live a life of curiosity.  Jane is a contributing author for the online magazine, INSPIRELLE, and editor of AAWE News.

In short, Jane excels in communication:

  • listening,
  • expressing herself,
  • helping you and your children listen, and
  • creating a safe environment to express yourselves.

 

What Does my Child See?

A friend, Vincent Cassigneul, recently took this picture

  • Of a blurry Eiffel Tower
    or
  • Of a clearly focused man taking a picture of the Eiffel Tower

Vincent Cassigneul Eiffel Tower

Vincent chose to focus on the admirer of the Eiffel Tower in her flashing glory, as opposed to the monument herself. We usually see this majestic monument towering over Paris, occupying center stage.

Did he “get it all wrong”? Did I?

Or should we be asking a different question?

The Wife and Mother-in-Law go to Harvard

An optical illusion used by Stephen Covey further helps us understand that process.

In his book 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, Covey shares an example from a Harvard Business School class. Everyone was shown the same optical illusions. ONLY he had prepared people differently. One half of the class had previously seen a sketch of a haggard, old woman and the other half had been given a drawing of a chic lady.

optical illusion used by stephen coveyWell, half the class found the woman in the optical illusion attractive and the other half quite the opposite. Tensions rose over the disagreement.

Finally, some students began to ask questions, and listen.

“See this line. That’s the old woman’s mouth.”

“Oh, for us it is the chic lady’s necklace!”

And exploration ensued until all the students could identify BOTH women depicted in the optical illusion.

Are you and your child at each other’s throats unnecessarily too?

Try asking questions to understand your child’s perspective.

A tool, like this optical illusion or Vincent’s photo (graciously made available to us, thank you), can help launch the discussion.

Parent to the child: “What do you see?”

Child answers.

Parent purposefully and playfully takes an opposing stand. “What?! This photo is NOT about the Eiffel Tower!” or “This is a drawing of ONE. O.L.D.  woman.”

Let your child react.

Then explore.

“Tell me what you see and point with your finger.”

 

How to start?!

This conversation sounds easy, but it’s harder to launch in real life.

(That’s where Jane Mobille’s family coaching brings resolution to communication blockages and harmony returns to the family.)

Try starting these paradigm discovery conversations at home.

Want the Wife and Mother-in-Law optical illusion and the photo of the Eiffel Tower?  Sign up here and we’ll send them to you tomorrow….along with the news of who won the Family Coaching special offer by Jane Mobille.

Jane can be reached at jam.atlantic@gmail.com

Maman NYC in Paris

Make Friends with the Neighbors

Today’s Gift on the Joy. Peace. Love. @ Home advent calendar for parents

Six Nutty Chocolate Chip Cookies
from Maman NYC à Paris

Cookies from Maman NYC

How to get yours?  Take today’s quiz (Click on today’s number and “Click to play”) on the advent calendar and YOU could be the lucky one who’s name gets drawn to receive the offer.

Maman’s cookies are sosooper big and delicious, they are toooo much to keep to ourself.  The team, led by Antoine, are happy to offer cookies for you AND some to give to the folk next door.

…AND a visit to Maman Café is a gift that you could even offer yourself ????  Come on over…and invite a friendly “voisin.” (neighbor in French).

 

Good Neighbors Matter for Parents

Life as a parents is a LOT EASIER with positive relationships with the neighbors.  Here is how.

Good Neighbor Relations for Parents of Babies

True story.

This note was placed on the doormat of our neighbors.

“Dear Neighbors,

Hi.  I’m Paul.  That’s me in the photo between my two older brothers.

I’m very sorry you were frustrated by my cries last night.  Let me tell you, I was frustrated too!  I tried to tell my parents what was wrong, and they did not understand.  I tried harder.  And then harder again.  (That’s when you banged on the wall.)

I’m trying hard to teach my parents what I’m saying.  I hope they’ll learn quickly.  I guess you do too.

Well, maybe we’ll see each other around…when I’m smiling.  In the meantime, I wish you well.”

Good Neighbor Relations for Parents of Kids

True story.

Request at the neighbor’s door.

Hi.  I’m sorry to be ringing in the evening after dinner.  You see, it’s our son’s birthday tomorrow and tonight he proposed pancakes for breakfast…only we ate our last eggs at dinner!  Could we borrow two eggs, please?

Good Neighbor Relations for Parents of Teens

True story.

Conversation with a previous neighbor who moved to another part of town.

Neighbor: “Hi.  I saw your son in our new quarters the other day?”

Parent: “Oh, yes…?”

N: “Yeah.  On Friday in the middle of the afternoon.  He was hanging out with friends….”

Later

Conversation between parent and teen.

Parent: “Hi darling.  I ran into our previous neighbors and they said they saw you.” (pause)

Teen: “Hum.”

Parent: “Yes, on Friday in the middle of the afternoon.  When do you have math class, again?”

Teen: “OH!  Friday!  I remember!  YES!”

Parent: “O.K. What were you doing?  What was happening?”

….

Maman NYC in Paris – the Story of Neighbors

It’s the story of a French baker who opens up a bake shop in New York City, and out of his oven pop   American staples with French flair.  And more bake shops pop up too, the latest one in Paris.

Maman serves “Cake” (in France this refers to pound cake), coffee and tea all day long and delicious sandwiches for lunch.

How do they blend US & French cooking?  Try their Carrot Orange Pound Cake.  YUM!  No cream cheese frosting.  Simply an icing of white chocolate.

Their Totally Nutty Cookies rank as my favorite for dessert and coffee.  You’ll win over your neighbors with these, for sure ????

In Paris, Maman is located at 118 rue de Turenne in the 3rd arrondissement.  Open Tuesdays through Saturdays from 10:00 to 19:00.  The café is tucked inside Mona, the co-working space for women by My Little Paris, AXA Insurance, Estée Lauder, and Nike.

 

Mona & My Little Paris – the Story of Neighbors

Have YOU received your Parisian experience, wrapped up “à la Française,” delivered to your mailbox?  That’s the My Little Paris specialty: the best of the City of Lights brought “chez vous.”

Neighboring is in their essence.  A group of five women, they launched the company that uncovers delights of Parisian “quartiers” (various parts of town) and share the news.  As they prospered, they sought to share success with a larger community of entrepreneurial women.  Supported by AXA Insurance, Nike, and Estée Lauder, My Little Paris birthed Mona, a space for women to gather and grow their businesses together.

And did you know?  They launched the American Quarter Hour!  Fifteen minutes of pause from computer and phone to be daring American-style and introduce yourself to your co-working neighbor!

 

Come on over to Maman Café at Mona to taste their Totally Nutty Cookies and bring some home for your “voisins.”

#monabymylittleparis

Child in front of Christmas presents

Co + Work = Joy. Peace. Love. @ Home chez vous

Il était une fois des entrepreneures parisiennes qui ont rêvé de vous offrir un calendrier de l’avent pour vous, les parents.  Et cette petite germe a poussé…

et nous vous offrons 1000€ de cadeaux (!!) à travers un calendrier de l’avent interactive et en ligne.  

(Vous pouvez vous y inscrire sur le calendrier en français or the one in English.)

Voici notre histoire…

Tout a commencé avec Mona

Quand cette escape gratuit de co-working a ouvert en Novembre, j’ai saisi l’opportunité de travailler dans ce cadre féminin et dynamique.

Un grand MERCI à tous les sponsors : My Little ParisAXA InsuranceEstée Lauder, and Nike qui nous ont accueilli dans leurs locaux du 1er Novembre au 31 Décembre 2017.

Que peut-on faire dans un espace de co-working qu’on ne peut pas faire à la maison tout seul ?

CO et WORK!

Cinq minutes après avoir franchi la porte d’entrée, je me suis présenté à la femme assise à ma table. A vrai dire, elle y était installée confortablement et, avec le sourire, je lui ai dérangé pour lui ai demandé si je pouvais me joindre à elle. Je me suis fixé un objectif : rencontrer cinq nouvelles personnes tous les jours.  J’ai découvert des femmes passionnées travaillant sur des projets captivants.

Quel projet captivant pourrais-je construire pour partager ma passion : que les familles puissent rester soudées malgré les crises de colère, la désobéissance des enfants et les frustrations de la vie quotidienne ?

Un “CO” project!

Il fallait une raison d’être

En tant que coach parental formé aux principes adlériens, j’enseigne les principes d’appartenance et de contribution à une communauté avec un sens, une raison d’être.

Donc quel but pour notre collaboration potentielle?

A cette période de l’année, Noël me semblait une évidence. Et pourtant, les Français critiqué son côté trop commercial.

Cependant nous nous retrouvons autour du sens de Noël : la joie, la paix et l’amour.

Nous, les parents, nous sommes ceux qui Les parents amènent la joie et la paix à la maison.

Voilà!  Joy. Peace. Love. @ Home

 

Plus fort ensemble

Enthousiasmé par l’idée, j’ai découvert un magnifique calendrier de l’avent en ligne créé par Dot.vu. Jetez-y un coup d’œil. Une période d’essaie sur le site m’a permis de tester le service et de le présenter aux collaborateurs potentiels.  Le service de Dot.vu est top : Tom m’a proposé un guide personnalisé de 30 minutes afin de comprendre le fonctionnement du logiciel et Pedro répond à mes nombreuses requêtes de manière efficace et professionnelle.

Enthousiasmés par cette outil, 15 entrepreneurs ont décidé de m’y rejoindre.

C’est un plaisir de vous les présenter.

(Pour connaître les cadeaux, rendez-vous tous les jours sur Joy. Peace. Love. @ Home)

Denise Dampierre, fondatrice de SoSooper

En savoir un peu plus sur moi : Diplômée d’un MBA de Harvard et mère de 4 garçons, je décrirai les premières années de la parentalité comme la gestion de l’énergie.  Faire se dépenser les garçons; et préserver la mienne. Ensuite, nous nous concentrions sur “la création de souvenirs positives” et la création d’une culture de famille où tout le monde prospère. Ma passion: aider à élever la prochaine génération d’hommes et de femmes remplis de joie, travaillant pour la paix, et sachant aimer.

Adrien Bracon, Coiffeur à Domicile

Formé chez Jean-Marc Manniatis, Adrien coiffe mes cheveux depuis des années.  Lors de ses visites, nous transformons notre salon en salon de coiffure. Au lieu de trimbaler quatre enfants au salon de coiffure et d’attendre que chaque enfant passe, nous passions ce temps à se blottir chez nous pendant qu’Adrien coiffait toute la famille. Il est si talentueux, je lui laisse carte blanche concernant ma coiffure.

Alice Lamotte

Mère de quatre enfants, Alice et moi nous sommes rencontrés grâce à la Discipline Positive.  Nous recherchions toutes les deux une formation pour construire des maisons coopératives et respectueuses … d’abord chez nous puis au-delà. Alice regorge d’énergie. Elle allie santé physique et bien-être socio-émotionnel dans son coaching Gym & Talk. 

Beija-Flore

J’ai eu connaissance de Béatrice Cornet Vernet via Femmepreneurs,, un réseau de femmes entrepreneurs dans l’Ouest de Paris. Je suis tombée amoureuse de ses accessoires en tissu Liberty. Béatrice était parmis les premières à participer à notre aventure sans s’être rencontré face-à-face!

Chantal Bourges

J’ai rencontré Chantal lors d’une conférence internationale de Discipline Positive.  Nous étions “roommates” ce qui permet de bien se connaître. Mère de cinq enfants, Chantal a siégé au conseil d’administration des Associations de Discipline Positive France et International. Elle encadre et forme les parents et les enseignants localement et internationalement.

Elli Photography

J’ai rencontré Elli Loannou à Mona.  Egalement une Anglophone (Elli est originaire d’Australie), elle adhérait aussi à l’aspect «CO» du coworking. Elle est installée en tant que photographe de mode  et est formée aux photos analogiques. Cela signifie qu’elle saisit L’ instant (pensez aux enfants). Elli a été enchantée par notre projet collaboratif; “Je choisis de travailler avec cette communauté ! » a-t-elle dit.

English Dream Cakes

En tant que membre du groupe Facebook Anglopreneurs, j’ai, un jour, été captivée par une photo de gâteaux décorés de manière délicate et magique. Le message est venu et est parti. L’image est restée. Et c’est une JOIE d’échanger avec l’équipe mère-fille Cheryl et Dew. Elles mélange la douceur avec le professionnel. Incorpore la créativité et étale la générosité abondamment. Le tout servi avec un délicieux sourire.

Feminicity

Amanda Wigby et moi avons appris à nous apprécier les uns les autres grâce à … du «feedback» ! constructifs. Nous nous sommes mises au défi de surmonter les différences qu’il y a souvent entre notre «Talk» (les services que nous fournissons) et notre «Walk» (comment nous exprimons notre expertise dans la vie quotidienne). Authentique, ouverte d’esprit et visionnaire, Coach Amanda nous aide, vous et moi, à remplacer le comportement «je devrais» par l’action sur nos priorités personnelles.

Light On

Un groupe d’étudiantes de l’ISCOM qui m’aide dans les coulisses de ce projet. Corriger mon français, donner leurs avis, faire du design, rester actif sur les réseaux sociaux et m’encourager. C’est en sachant qu’elles assurent mes arrières que j’ai osé m’aventurer sur ce projet. Merci à Anaïs Kisasondi, à Camille Meunier-Sirven, à Rose Rapp, à Elodie Schwinn et à Laura Wieczorek.

Ludocatix

Virginie Chabert s’associe également à nous grâce à Femmepreneurs. Virginie créé des produits qui aident les enfants à devenir plus responsables. L’un de nos posts les plus populaires sur le blog SoSooper était un tableau de responsabilités qui attribuait les taches de la maison aux enfants. Ludocatix remplace ces tableaux fait-maison par des beaux outils qui permettent aux parents de créer des routines positives avec leurs enfants.

Maman NYC à Paris

Mon premier jour chez Mona, avant de me mettre au travail, je me suis arrêté au café Maman qui se situe dans le coworking. J’ai été chaudement accueilli par Antoine et son équipe. Ils servent le café et le thé avec le sourire, et de nombreux délices salés et sucrés (sourire y compris aussi). Quoi de mieux pour garder nos collègues motivés toute la journée.  Qu’est ce un coworking sans un café ? Juste un espace…

My Little Paris

C’est l’équipe de My Little Paris qui nous accueil à Mona.  My Little Paris a démarré avec cinq femmes qui se sont associées pour dénicher des produits qui reflétaient le flair parisien. Elles les enveloppaient magnifiquement dans des “box” et les envoyaient aux mamans, aux papas et aux enfants…sur trois continents!  Avec My Little Paris, vous pouvez être un parent ET rester au top du chic.

Poke Bar

C’est grâce à nos enfants que j’ai rencontré Elodie Macquet. Également mère de garçons, Elodie est une entrepreneuse en série. Elle et sa voisine Isabelle ont ouvert Poke Bar en Mars, apportant le soleil d’Hawaï aux tables parisiennes. Leur restaurant, juste à côté de la place de l’Opéra, sert des bols poké, frais, sur place et à emporter. Nos garçons adolescents se sont régalés avec un repas, sain, léger ET nourrissant.

Ruth Naomi Floyd

Ruth et moi avons appris à nous connaître grâce à une erreur de ma part.  Elle a chanté du gospel mis en musique de jazz pour un événement que j’ai organisé … elle est arrivée à Paris un jour plus tôt que j’avais prévu ! Aucune chambre d’hôtel n’était disponible, elle est alors venue à la maison. Nous nous sommes réunis autour d’un dîner familiale (avec tout le bruit de 4 garçons à table).  Multi-talentueuse, Ruth est également photographe des beaux-arts et s’occupe avec compassion et respect de personnes affectées par le VIH.

TooFruit

Our children’s classmates stem from an entrepreneurial vibe!  It’s through our son that we met Katell Perrot just as she was launching TooFruit.  We tasted her enthusiasm as she introduced us to blueberry lotions and pineapple creams especially developed for children’s skin.  These organic potions deliciously cleanse and nourish kids from head to toe.

(Une Parenthèse Bougie)

Encore grâce à Femmepreneurs j’ai virtuellement rencontré Valérie Nicol. Noël c’est la saison des bougies et Valérie a choisi ses bougies pour leur côté magique qui s’adapte à toutes les humeurs. Quand j’ai mentionné le thème du calendrier, elle s’est exclamée: «J’ai pile ce qu’il faut ! C’est tout nouveau dans notre catalogue pour la saison ! ???? “

Villa Manon

Une autre rencontre grâce à nos enfants.  Mary Holmes Smith a participé à des ateliers Discipline Positive que je menais. Maintenant, c’est moi qui prend ses cours!  Je me rend régulièrement à son studio pour des cours de Pilates et de Yoga. Lorsque nous rentrons dans son atelier, un souffle de sérénité nous envahit, parfumé au gingembre et au citron. Il parait que cela favorise les étirements et le renfort musculaire.

Vincent Cassigneul

C’est un ancien camarade de classe de mon mari qui vit à Toulouse. La photographie est sa passion et en tant que père de quatre filles, il s’est entrainé sur de jolis mannequins. Lors d’une sortie en péniche sur la Seine j’ai été impressionnée par l’oeil vif que possède Vincent. Il reussi à capturer des moments dont nous ne profitons pas assez.  

Wine Contacts

J’ai rencontré Mary Kirk Bonnet grâce à nos fils respectifs. Franco-américaine, Mary détient le prestigieux titre de «Sommelier-Conseil». Elle a sublimé nos dîners avec des sélections de vignobles d’exception. Nos amis s’extasient toujours sur l’expérience chaleureuse et délicieuse que nous avons vécue au cours de la dégustation de vins entre amis chez nous.

 

Merci

Un grand merci à vous tous qui me faites confiance dans ce projet. Je remercie tout particulièrmement celles que je n’ai pas encore rencontré et qui ont, quand même, contribuées à l’aventure parce qu’ils sont passionnées et croient dans le sens de notre projet commun:

Joy. Peace. Love. @ Home

et

Enthousiasme. Passion. Cooperation. @ Work !

Joy. Peace. Love. @ Home et Enthousiasme. Passion. Cooperation. @ Work. 🙂 Click to Tweet

 

Cover Photo by Andrew Neel on Unsplash

Child in front of Christmas presents

Co + Work for your Joy. Peace. Love. @ Home

How the seed of an idea took root and blossomed into a collaborative project for YOU.

Parisian entrepreneurs are offering parents 1000€ of gifts through an interactive, online Parents’ Advent Calendar.

(There is still time to sign up in English…ou en français)

 

It Began at Mona

When this free co-working space for women opened in November, I jumped at the opportunity to work with dynamic, feminine company.

A BIG thanks to the sponsors – My Little Paris, AXA Insurance, Estée Lauder, and Nike – who bring us this welcoming space from November 1 through December 31, 2017.

What can one do in a co-working space that one cannot be done at home all alone?

CO as well as WORK!

Five minutes into walking through the front door I introduced myself to the woman sitting at my table.  Well, really, she was happily sitting there first and I smilingly intruded, asking if I might join.  I set an objective to meet five new people every day and discovered passionate women engaged in fascinating projects.

What enticing project could I build to share my passion for strong families that stay connected even during the tantrums AND the disobedience AND the frustrations of daily life?

A “CO” project!

A Meaningful Purpose

As a parenting coach trained in Adlerian principles, I espouse the principles of belonging to and contributing to a community with a purpose larger than oneself.

Which purpose?

At this time of year, Christmas seemed obvious.  And yet French friends have lamented the commercialized spirit.

The underlying spirit of the season is Joy. Peace. Love. 

We parents raise the joy-bringer and peace-makers of tomorrow through the love they experience at home!

We are raising the joy-bringer and peace-makers of tomorrow! Click to Tweet

Voilà!  Joy. Peace. Love. @ Home

 

Stronger Together

Enthused by the idea, I discovered an amazing online interactive Advent Calender by Dot.vu.  Check it out.  Their 15 day free trial allowed me to test the idea with potential collaborators.  Their service is top notch.  Tom invited me for a 30 minute Google Hangout personalized guide and Pedro answered my (numerous) queries efficiently and professionally.

Enthused by the purpose and the tool, 15 entrepreneurs joined in.

It is a delight to introduce them to you.  Today you meet the people.

(Every day of advent you’ll discover the gifts they each share.)

Denise Dampierre, founder of SoSooper

A bit about me:  As a Harvard MBA and the mother of 4 boys in 6 years, I’ll describe the early years of parenting as the energy-management business:  expend the boys’; conserve mine.  Now, we focus on making empowering memories and creating a family culture where everyone thrives.  My passion: to help raise the next generation of joy-filled, peace-making, and loving men and women.

Adrien Bracon, Coiffeur à Domicile

Adrien has styled my hair for decades.  Trained at Jean-Marc Manniatis, the Haute Coiffure, Adrien now brings his talent “chez vous.”  Phew! Instead of lugging four tots to the hairdresser and waiting out their turn, we could spend that time snuggling at home while Adrien styled the whole family.  He is so talented, I give him “carte blanche” on my head.

Alice Lamotte

Mothers of four children flock together, especially when we seek ways for families to THRIVE (vs. survive).  Alice and I met through Positive Discipline where we both sought training to build respect-filled and cooperative homes…first “chez nous” then beyond.  Alice abounds in energy.  She combines physical health with socio-emotional well-being in her Gym & Talk coaching.

Beija-Flore

Béatrice Cornet Vernet and I connected through Femmepreneurs, a network of women entrepreneurs in the west of Paris.  I fell in love with her Liberty fabric accessories.  Béatrice and I have not yet met face-to-face (!) AND she graciously agreed to join in our adventure even during this busy time of Christmas fairs every weekend.

Chantal Bourges

Chantal and I were roommates at an international Positive Discipline conference.  You get to appreciate someone when you see them with tousled-hair and sleepy-eyed.  The mother of FIVE children, Chantal sat on the board of the French and US Positive Discipline associations.  She coaches and trains parents and teachers locally and internationally.

Elli Photography

Elli Ioannou and I met at Mona.  As another Anglophone (Elli hails from Australia) she too felt at ease with the “CO” aspect of coworking.  She is established as a fashion photographer trained in analog photos.  That means, she catches the moment (think kids).  Elli got excited about our collaborative project; ”I choose to work with this community!”

English Dream Cakes

As a member of the Facebook group Anglopreneurs, I saw a post of ravishingly dreamily decorated cakes.  The post came and went.  The image remained.  And what a joy it has been to exchange with mother-daughter team Cheryl and Dew.  They combine genteel with professional.  Stir in creativity and cover with generosity.  All served with a delicious smile.

Feminicity

Amanda Wigby and I learned to appreciate each other through constructive feedback.  We challenged each other to overcome a discrepancy between our “Talk” (the services we provide) and our “Walk” (how we express our expertise in everyday life).  Authentic, open, and visionary, Amanda helps you and me replace “I should” behavior with acting on our personal priorities.

Light On

A group of students at ISCOM are helping me with the backstage of this project.  The correct my French, give feedback, do design work, stay active on social media, and cheer me on.  It’s thanks to knowing they are covering my back that I dared to venture on this project.  Thanks, to Anaïs Kisasondi, Camille Meunier-Sirven, Rose Rapp, Elodie Schwinn, and Laura Wieczorek.

Ludocatix

Virginie Chabert also comes to us through Femmepreneurs.  Virginie creates products that help children grow in responsibility.  One of our most popular downloads on SoSooper was a chore chart for kids to want to help with chores.  Ludocatix replaces my cut-and-paste routine charts with positive-parenting-inspired tools that children and parents build together.

Maman NYC à Paris

I shared about my first day at Mona.  Before settling down to work, I paused at the Maman café located on the premises to be warmly greeted by Antoine and his team.  They smilingly serve coffee, tea, and especially yummy delights (both savory and sweet) to keep us coworkers energized during the day.  A coworking without coffee & cooking?  Just a space…

My Little Paris

It’s the My Little Paris team that greets us so warmly at Mona.  The company launched with five women teaming to sniff out trends and deals which reflect Parisian flair.  They wrapped these up beautifully in boxes, and send them out to moms, dads, and tots too…on three continents!  I love how My Little Paris makes it easy to remain chic when we parents have little energy and time to spare.

Poke Bar

Our children introduced me to Elodie Macquet.  Also a mother of boys, Elodie is a serial entrepreneur.  She and her neighbor Isabelle opened Poke Bar in March, bringing Hawaii sunshine to Parisian tables.  Their restaurant, just off place de l’Opéra, serves fresh poke bowls on the spot and to go.  Our teen boys delighted on their tasty, healthy, light, AND filling meal.

Ruth Naomi Floyd

Ruth and I came to know each other through my mistake.  In Paris to sing gospel lyrics set to jazz music for an event I organized…she arrived a day earlier than I expected!!  No room at the hotel, she came to our home and partook in our noisy, home-fare dinner.  Joy!  Multi-talented, Ruth is also a fine-arts photographer and compassionately cares for people affected by HIV and AIDS.

TooFruit

Our children’s classmates stem from an entrepreneurial vibe!  It’s through our son that we met Katell Perrot just as she was launching TooFruit.  We tasted her enthusiasm as she introduced us to blueberry lotions and pineapple creams especially developed for children’s skin.  These organic potions deliciously cleanse and nourish kids from head to toe.

(Une Parenthèse Bougie)

Femmepreneurs came through again to introduce Valérie Nicol…virtually.  ‘Tis the season of candlelight and Valérie specially selects her candles for mood magic.  When I mentioned the theme, she exclaimed, “I’ve got just the candle for the occasion.  It’s even new to the catalog ????”

Villa Manon

Another through-our-children meeting with Mary Holmes Smith.  She participated in a Positive Discipline class with other parents and we stayed connected.  Now I frequent her studio where she leads Pilates and yoga classes.  It’s a breathe of rejuvenation to enter her serene, ginger-lemon scented atelier for stretching and strengthening.

Vincent Cassigneul

A classmate of my husband living in Toulouse, Vincent and I meet at reunions.  Photography is his hobby and as the father of four girls, he’s had practice with models.  On a boat party recently, Vincent impressed me with his eye.  He captured moments that many of us miss.  While we focused on the obvious, Vincent sought out pearls. Thanks.

Wine Contacts

Our sons’ brought Mary Kirk Bonnet and I together.  A Franco-American, Mary holds the prestigious “Sommelier-Conseil” title.  She has graced our dinner parties with choice selections from favorite vineyards.  Our friends still rave about the insightful, warm, and delightful time we shared during the private wine-tasting Mary led in our home.  Thanks.

 

Thank You

A big thanks to all of you who trusted in me and in this project  and chose to work together.  And a special thanks to those I have not yet met who jumped in this collaborative effort because they have a passion and believe in our combined purpose:

Joy. Peace. Love. @ Home

and

Thrill. Passion. Cooperation. @ Work !

Joy. Peace. Love. @ Home and Thrill. Passion. Cooperation. @ Work. 🙂 Click to Tweet

 

Cover Photo by Andrew Neel on Unsplash

smiling teenager with parents

10 Skills Teens Need to Succeed

When your child leaves home, replacing the school book bag with the briefcase, what skills do you want him to master?

French boys off to school

Probably reading, writing, and arithmetic.

Yet when we ask this question in our Positive Discipline parenting classes, moms and dads don’t even mention the 3R’s.  Parents focus directly on the Soft Skills like

Confidence.

Search for excellence.

Tolerance.

Wise Decision-Making.

Where are the Teens with Skills to Thrive?

Employers agree these are the traits that lead to success.  They also lament that entry level students lack Soft-Skill-Savvy.

PayScale, the largest salary level database in the world, reports a major disconnect between what employers seek in their entry level students and what universities teach.  A whopping 50-55% of college graduates are either unemployed or underemployed!

The skills employers seek are the hardest to find as per the Employment Gap study by Millenial Branding & Experience, Inc.

Employable skills, where art thou?!

Students may have mastered Algebra and Molecular Biology, but they’re tottering in Teamwork and Self-Management.

Teens are concerned and so are their parents.  That’s why Harvard Business School alumni who are also parents listened in on Marie Schwartz, founder and CEO of TeenLife, as she presented the 10 Skills Teens Need to Succeed.  (The slide above is from her material)

Here is Schwartz’s list of Skills to Succeed:

  1. Drive/passion
  2. Independence/Self-Management
  3. Time-Management/Prioritization
  4. Interpersonal Skills
  5. Cultural Awareness
  6. Verbal & Written Communication
  7. Teamwork & Collaboration
  8. Critical Thinking/Problem-Solving
  9. Technical Know-How
  10. Grit/Determination

 

How will our children learn these skills to thrive?

The way you and I parent matters.

Even with the best intentions, we moms and dads can alienate our teens (and teach them to reject our values)…or we can connect with them and give ourselves a chance to keep training our kids in positive skills.

Our parental responses teach our kids.  What will they learn?

Teen lessons: “I better not get caught next time.” & “Am I REALLY capable?”

OR

smiling teenager with parents
Teen lessons: “I am loved even when I’m not perfect.” & “I’ll do my best to be worthy of their trust.”

 

I don’t have time to teach these skills!

Too much on your plate already?

It’s not a matter of “adding to your plate.” Try doing some of the same tasks DIFFERENTLY.

Here’s an example (and one day I will write 5 ways to Teach Teen Skills without Taking more Time)

    1. Build Confidence through a Household Chore
      The children are needed and the family counts on them. “Darling, I NEED my table setter to do his job BEFORE the beans burn!”
    2. Teach Respect & Humility through another Household Chore (!)
      It’s hard to treat Mom like the maid when the kids vacuum too!
    3. Practice Teamwork through…a Family Team Clean!!! (on the SoSooper App)
      Intentionally develop a culture of collaboration. “Family helps family. It’s what we do.”
    4. Encourage Love of Excellence & Self-Evaluation by Inspecting the Household Chore
      “An O.K. job of cleaning the sink is when there are no pink toothpaste smudges. A super clean sink has shiny chrome.  What quality job have you done?”
    5. Instill Self-Management by kindly and firmly insisting on Household Chore…
      “Sweetheart, we said you may play with you friends WHEN the laundry is folded. How is the laundry now?  (in the dryer) Then you know what to do.”

    (You guessed that I believe in inviting the children to participate in household tasks.)

    Transmitting life skills to kids requires parent passion and grit more than it requires money or even time.

    Transmitting life skills to kids requires parent passion and grit more than money or even time. Click to Tweet

    Where and how to start?

    That’s where parent coaching can come in handy

    • To identify the family-helping tasks that truly make life easier for the parents AND are age-appropriate for the kids
    • To share ways to on-board the children so that they feel engaged and want to participate
    • To get YOUR reminders remember to follow through the children
    • To learn tools to present your requests so that children listen
    • To follow through effectively and avoiding power struggles

    Drop us a line

    [contact-form to=”denise@sosooper.com” subject=”Tell me more about SoSooper parent coaching”][contact-field label=”Name” type=”name” required=”1″][contact-field label=”Email” type=”email” required=”1″][contact-field label=”Want help building these skills in your kids? Tell us more.” type=”textarea”][/contact-form]

From “Brush your teeth” to “I love you”

This post is for moms and dads who feel like they repeat themselves 1000x/day.

How can we get children to listen IN OUR HOME?

Effective parenting tools are great…but help me apply them!

That’s why we developed SoSooper Parent + Child workshops like the one we held on Saturday: Stop Repeating Yourself – Listen with Curiosity Questions.

Sign up for this workshop.  We’re doing it again in central Paris on October 7.

Parents Want Tools & Kids Want Play

The parents’ objective centered on getting the kids to listen. They wondered how it could be possible.

The children wanted to have fun, go on an outing, and be with mom and dad.

We aim to please both.  The smiling faces tell us we did.

We’re doing So Sooper!

Surprise-filled Activities

Parents & Children switch roles

“Kids, would you like to play Mom & Dad for a while?”  Children’s eyes popped excitedly…and off we went to try on costumes.

Commands Lead to Rejection

Scene 1:

The parents’ eyes and ears grew wide as they heard their children give them instructions.  In a commanding voice, 6-year-old told his dad to “Put his coat on” and to “Stop playing on the computer.”

Father responded with “No, no, no” until he exclaimed, “Woah! Son.  You’re bossing me around!”

Hummm.

Questions Generate Engagment

Scene 2:

The children (acting as parents) then replaced the instructions with questions. Here was a fun exchange:

Parent (played by a child): “What is our agreement on Computer Time?”

Child (played by a parent speaking defiantly): “I can play when I want!”

Parent (played by a child): “What is OUR AGREEMENT on Computer Time?”

Child (played by a parent):  Silence. “OK.  10 minutes.”

Everyone agreed that it felt better to be saying and hearing the questions.

But, parents enquired, how can we come up with the right questions when we need them?

Digging for Questions

For our next activity, parents and children gathered together in their own family units and explored for questions.

The kids knew by heart (!) the instructions repeated 1000 times.  They rarely really understood why.

Precious Sharing

Here is a precious exchange between a father and child:

Child: “I know, I know.  You always repeat that I need to brush my teeth.  Why is it important to brush my teeth?

Father: “So that you don’t have cavities.”

Child: What is important about a vacaty?”

Father: “A cavity is when your tooth gets sick and it hurts a lot.”

Child: Why is it important that my teeth don’t hurt?”

Father: “Because I love you.  I don’t want you to hurt.”

Child: Smile. “Because you love me.” Grin.

Finding Solutions

Together they came up with a question that Dad could ask at teeth brushing time,
“What do you need to do so that your teeth won’t hurt?”

 

This is what SoSooper is about.  Turning a challenging situation into a moment of connection between parent and child.

SoSooper helps parents turn a challenge into solutions while staying connecting with their kids. Click to Tweet

Join us next week.  We’re doing this same workshop in the center of Paris.  Click here to sign up.

home

Calm Kids’ Anger – Create Positive Routines TOGETHER

How perplexing for a parent when his child bursts out in anger!

Where did THAT come from?

How to calm the fury?

How to avoid the anger?

Do you know?

Kids get frustrated (then annoyed, then angry) when they do not know what to expect.
That’s why finding a solution TOGETHER is so powerful.

Join our Parent + Child Workshop

  • When:    Saturday, Sept 23 from 3:30 – 5:00 pm
  • Where:     American Church in Paris, 65 quai d’Orsay, 75007, Room G7
  • How much:    20€ per family
  • With:    Denise Dampierre (me) – Positive Discipline trainer,
    Mom of 4 boys, Harvard MBA

    
 parent child workshop for anger management

Here’s what we’ll do TOGETHER

1. Hunt down “the Issue”

EVERY family has an issue.  For you it might be getting out the door on time, for another it could be interrupting, and for a yet another it might be about TV time.

No family is perfect…which is what makes life so interesting and gives us hope for growth.

Through fun activities, we’ll help you put a name to that moment that makes one of you fly off the handle.  You’ll see that you are in great company…and maybe you’ll even smile (a tiny bit) about it :).

2. Remember the LOVE

The reason you all get worked up is because you care.

We’ll lead you in an activity for family loving.  Not corny.  Totally funny.

3. Make a Wish List

There is an issue, so TOGETHER, you and your child will discuss “the dream situation.”  If you had a magic want, you would…..

Some of those wishes could even come true.  We’ll help you  pick & choose.  This becomes your positive routine.

4. Create a Positive Routine Chart

Now that you have your plan, we’ll help you create your own PERSONALIZED reminder.

Check what these kids did…and notice how proud they are of themselves!

5. Enjoy Goûter

Nothing like a little moment to recharge and to mingle with other like-minded parents and kids.

We’ll be around to answer your questions too.

Harvard Business School New Venture Competition

SoSooper is a finalist in Harvard Business School NVC Europe

Sooper Exciting News

Our mobile app for parents has been selected as a finalist in the Harvard Business School New Venture Competition Europe!  There were 26 contestants for 5 places.  We made the cut!

We will be pitching to 100+ business folk about being the best parent we can be.

We are honored to be present, knowing that the discussion will cover both business issues (how will we generate income) as well a matters touching our ingrained beliefs:

  • Are “good parents” born or can leadership in our homes be learned?
  • How to accompany parents AND allow freedom to create their own, unique family culture?

As my sister says, “Exciting, invigorating, intimidating, energizing, challenging, exhilarating.”

Many thanks to all who support me so well.

SoSooper is finalist for HBS NVC
European finalists for 2017 HBS NVC Europe

The Story behind SoSooper

A Mom in Need

As a young mom seeking help to manage four boys under seven years old I wondered:

“Folk can go to a bank or a financial counselor and expose very private information regarding money and request advice and this is conisdered intelligent.

Those same people seek advice regarding relationships…and they have a problem.

Humm. I hope someone will do something to remedy this discrepancy.”

And, today, maybe that someone is…me.

Insights from Cosmetics

When I worked in cosmetics, one brand introduced beauty advice on an iPad.  Customers appreciated the anonimity of these tools.

They found it more pleasant to admit skin problems to a machine than to a  made-up beauty who agrees you have blackheads on your nose!

Might the same be true with personal issues?

A New Child

SoSooper, my fifth child, is born. This mobile app helps parents navigate – positively and quickly – challenges with kids.

  • Provides parents with solutions for their Need. NOW.
  • Connects parents with parenting experts and other moms and dads like them
  • Is available on their phone.  Anytime & anywhere.

Read more.