Continue reading “Embracing Differences without Conflict – from Steven Sels, CEO Primagaz”
Embracing Differences without Conflict – from Steven Sels, CEO Primagaz
Lead Constructive Meetings – Tips from Pilates
Serenity to Accept Things I Cannot Change
Time Optimization Tips from the Olympics
Time management matters when nanoseconds make the cut for an Olympic medal.
That’s the case with champion women’s skicross Fanny Smith, from Villars-sur-Ollon, who won the bronze medal in the Olympics at PyeongChang. Our children learned to ski in Villars and I too felt that thrill of the locals when she earned her medal.
On our local slopes we don’t see these; they are prevelant at the Olympics. The blue lines on the slopes.
Optimize Time with Success Lines
These markers help racers and coaches trace the optimal path to follow. It’s literally their time-optimization guide. Stay within the lines to go faster.
How do you track the optimal path and reach your goals fast? For your life? For your work? For your relationships?
Time management is an issue for many of us. Few of us can afford hours retracing our steps. And yet many of us do so with relationships. Building positive rapport between people takes time…and it takes even longer to clean up after the s*@! hits the fan.
Too far off these blue lines and the skiers crash and forfeit the race.
If you find yourself impatient or frustrated or repeating yourself, it’s time to consider. Might something be out-of-focus: either your goal or the path to get there?
Save Time & Fix your objective
I begin many workshops with an activity* to bring our goals into clear focus.
Step 1—List the Time Consuming Challenges
What zaps your time and energy in relationships? We clear out what blocks our vision by naming these challenges.
For a workshop for managers of Millennials, we wrote down “Challenges Working with Millennials.”
Participants chime in: resistance to rules, attached to the phone, in need of perpetual feedback, (too) high view of his (untested) capabilities, and even spelling mistakes.
Maybe you don’t work with the Gen Y. Then tweak the question to match your work dynamics:
- Challenges of working with off-site teams
- Challenges of working in Finance/Legal/Marketing in an industrial group
- …
This process of listing difficulties creates a positive group dynamic and opens communication. Everyone realizes we sweat and worry over similar predicaments. In expressing these shared relationship challenges, we give ourselves and each other the permission to be human and to learn.
Expressing the negatives has the effect of letting dust settle. The atmosphere is lighter and we are ready to clearly focus on the positives we seek.
Step 2—Identify the Team Skills to Build
We then create a separate and complementary list to bring the leadership goals into focus. These are the skills managers seek to transmit to their teams to create a motivating and performing work environment. We enumerate them under, “Qualities of our Team’s Culture.”
Of course, you seek to develop technical capabilities: mastery of financial analysis or digital marketing tool. You ALSO aim to build communication and soft skills: trust, mutual respect, learning from experienced team members, learning from youth, seeking excellence…
Step 3—Assess
Once the two lists are completed, we step back to review them side by side and invite comments from everyone
Some participant are motivated: “I had not thought of myself in the leadership development business. How inspiring!”
Others balk: “What pressure. I don’t master all those soft skills. How can I pass them on to my team?”
Many have questions: “Do I have to do all of them at once?” and “So, what is the link between the two lists?”
Step 4—Use Time Optimizing Success Lines
Success lines help us identify where we are and where to aim. They’re like a GPS.
These lists represent our leadership GPS.
The challenges point to our present situation. “You are here.” This is where we have arrived using our current leadership style. This is also where you will stay by continuing with your actual managerial tools.
The qualities represent our desired destination. Like when your team members jump out of bed in the morning with enthusiasm to get to work and engage with a dynamic team. Or when colleagues seek you or your employee out for greater responsibilities.
Focus, Focus, Focus
But you may wonder, “It’s just a list…”
Correction. It’s a lens.
You get what you measure. When your bonus is set on profit, you’ll likely avoid high volume, low margin customers.
“Human systems grow in the direction of their deepest and most frequent inquiries.” – David Cooperrider, founder of Appreciative Inquiry, Case Western University
Our leadership focus is what we generate in our team. Your and my focus matters because it changes our actions.
“The act of looking for certain information evokes the information we went looking for—and simultaneously eliminates our opportunity to observe other information.” – John Wheatley, quantum physicist
When we talk, model, clarify, and encourage the qualities we seek in our team, we create clear success lines. And that saves tons of time…and money, and energy, and good spirits.
Positive Communication Tools
A clear focus is the first among many tools to build the qualities in your Leadership GPS. Check out the workshops to discover others and how to develop them in your team.
Leadership GPS Works In Life too
This optimizing GPS applies in personal relationships as well.
When our four boys were young I embarked on a husband-improvement-program. As a woman, I KNEW how to be a great dad!!!
Every day for one month I noted one helpful behavior my husband did for the family and let him know my appreciation. “Honey, thanks for having done the dishes. It’s really nice to finally relax after having put the kids to bed.”
I anticipated behavioral modification in my husband. This process changed me.
My previous focus lay on the mountain of chores to be done and how my husband did not do his part. My tone of voice often sounded critical. When focusing on his contributions, I became more enjoyable to be around. Maybe he became more involved or my company became more pleasant; either way, we ALL (sons included) do chores.
Ranking high on the list of “Dampierre Qualities to Groove Together” (our family GPS) you’ll find:
Everyone in the family helps.
Food for thought
- How many times a day do you focus on what is going wrong? On what is going right?
- How time effective is your critique?
- Your critique is welcome here. What do you disagree with in this post?
Tell us in the comments. Thanks.
Cover photo from lacote.ch
Celebrate Today…with Cake!
Today’s Gift on the Joy. Peace. Love. @ Home advent calendar for parents
24 delightfully decorated cupcakes
by English Dream Cakes
How to receive this gift? Take the fun quiz on the Parent Advent Calendar today and you could be the lucky one to win the draw.
A party without cake is just a meeting.
Julia ChildA day without celebration is just a series of tasks.
SoSooper & English Dream Cakes
Cheryl and Dew, the culinary artists of English Dream Cakes, are offering 24 decorated cupcakes…for you to create an occasion for celebration. The gift is valid through the end of February. Their hope is to provide a reason for a party. No need to wait for a birthday. Today is an occasion for conviviality.
The winner of these 24 cupcakes gets to choose the desired décor. Yummy!
Carpe Deum – Celebrating Today
A mother of 3 young children recently shared a frustration: life with little kids is constant interruptions.
- In the morning rush she finally gets everyone out the door and walking to school…and the little one has a pebble in her boot. The trip to school is interrupted.
- The children splash in the bath and one slips and gets hurt. You were cooking dinner. No longer.
- You’re on the ski slope and one child mutters, “I have pipi in my weewee.” Ski is put on hold for everyone the time to go the bathroom.
A wizened mother of 6 children shared with me her secret to perspective…and good humor throughout child-chaos-filled days.
Interruptions ARE the real life.
Interruptions ARE the real life, not distractions from it. She pointed me towards C.S. Lewis’ quote (author of the Chronicles of Narnia and more):
“The great thing, if one can, is to stop regarding all the unpleasant things as interruptions of one’s ‘own,’ or ‘real’ life. The truth is of course that what one calls the interruptions are precisely one’s real life.”
Transform Interruptions into a Celebration
Not long after my conversation with Wise Mom (above), my children’s teachers went on strike (again). This DEFINITELY constitutes a big-time disruption in my planned-to-the-minute life.
Instead of whining about the French national education system (which I felt like doing), we transformed this interruption into an opportunity for celebration and invited other parents and children over. A potentially very-bad-day turned out to be a re-energizing benefit for parents and children.
Try it too.
Combat Gloom with a Celebration
Winter in Paris feels glum. The white stone buildings appear grey. So do the concrete streets and sidewalks. The bare trees take on a greyish hue…
That’s where the English Dream Cakes cupcakes can transform your season. With 24 delicacies, you have the ingredients to create a party just because.
Try out one of these party themes
- It’s great to be alive
Carpe Deum. Seize the day. We cannot change the past. Our attitude about today will impact our future. Love life today. - Meet the neighbors
Make friends of your neighbors. VERY helpful for parents. Read here. - Meet the parents of your kids’ friends
Discover who your kids hang out with. As soon as your children have phones, it is difficult to know about their friends. Find out now & invite parents and kids together. - We’ve come a long way
Everyone celebrates an accomplishment - I will survive
Studies show strong relationships provides emotional and physical strength to overcome. Get together with friends for encouragement if you need it now…or because you might need it later. - We’re stronger together
Be a model of teamwork for your children.
“I’ll bring dreamy cupcakes.”
“I’ll bring bubbly for all ages.”
“I’ll bring decorations.”
“I’ll bring poker chips.”
You can also order your dreamy and delicious cakes directly from English Dream Cakes here.
Spend a Moment in Wonder
Today’s Gift on the Joy. Peace. Love. @ Home advent calendar for parents
A Candle for Relaxation and Well-Being
from (Une Parenthèse Bougie)
How to receive this gift? Take the fun quiz on the Parent Advent Calendar today and you could be the lucky one to win the draw.
Candle Wonder
There is something wonder-full about candlelight. For kids of all ages!
Is it the hypnotic way the flame flickers?
Or the association of candles with memory-filled events
- Birthdays
- Fancy meals, like at a restaurant or with the “grown up plates”
- Visits to churches where candls flicker and light strwons through the color-filled stained-glass windows
- And Christmas or Hanukah!
And it might be with the way adults treat fire with such care. “Darling, CAREFUL. Your can get burned.” Literally.
Love flickers like flames too. A spark enflames and warms or burns. Figuratively.
Children’s Questions – What do they wonder about?
Children have questions about fire and love. They have been hurt or seen others in pain. Why? How come?
How to answer their queries…when we hardly have answers ourselves.
What if activities with candles could help shed light on your children’s searching for answers about loving others and about being loved.
Questions like
- “Do you love me more than _______?”
- “Does love stop?”
- “So many bad things happen. I’m so small. Can just a tiny bit of good make a difference?”
“Why be good when there is so much bad?”
Children sure do have a knack for asking Some. Tough. Questions.
Do you or I even have the answer to this one? If we did, could we express such complex responses in words that our children can understand?
Candle Activity
Here is an activity that conveys the power of hope in the face of just a tiny bit of light.
How to:
- Take your children into a totally dark room.
Sometimes the only place is a windowless bathroom. One friend spoke of taking the children into their WC (in France there is a room with just the toilet seat). What unique memories they cherish! - Bring along one candle and a match or lighter.
- Notice the blackness without making it scary.
“I can’t see anything!”
“How many fingers am I holding up?”
“Let me try and find your nose…oh is that your ear instead?!” - Ask the kids how they feel…and how this makes them want to act.
“I feel alone so I want to talk and have you talk to me so that I know I’m not alone.”
“I feel lost so I’m scared to move. I don’t want to hurt myself.” - Light the candle.
- Notice that it is one-small-flame in One. Whole. Room.
- Now ask how they feel and how this makes them want to act.
“I see just enough to move and not hurt myself. I can move.”
“I see you and I know I am not alone. I can find your hand and we can be together.”
The children just EXPERIENCED the answer to their philosophical quandary. One small light makes a HUGE difference. “Be a light, darling. Be kind even if others are being mean.”
“Does Love Stop?”
What happens when grandfather dies? Or when couples separate? Or when friends move to another city? Does love stop?!
This question surely benefits from answers in layers. A few words one day. A different approach a next day. Reading a book together about the subject. And possibly this activity with a candle.
Candle Activity
What you need:
It works best with a candle, something to light it, a cup to turn upside down over the flame. A transparent cup or glass makes this even more dramatic.
How to:
- Gather the children around the lighted candle on the table.
Admire the flames and it’s lively flicker. - Notice together how this candle is like love, burning and warm.
- Cover the candle with the cup turn upside down over the flame. Allow a bit of smoke to gather inside the cup before smothering out the flame.
- Remove the cup and notice how the smoke is visible and rises from the still glowing wick. It rises in a clear ribbon of smoke and then diffuses into the air and throughout the room.
- Notice how we even breathe in tiny bits of the rest of the flame and carry it in our bodies!
In a similar way, the love for the child remains when someone dies or distance separates. Love takes on a different form, one that can travel far.
Even when we do not see the flame or feel its warmth as we did before, the love is still there.
“Do you love me more?”
We do this activity in our Positive Discipline classes. We”ll discover it together in person. Ask about upcoming classes here.
Wishing you peace AND growth as we all struggle through understanding and living out Love.
Contact (Une Parenthèse Bougie)
Welcome surprises and encourage learning
Today’s Gifts on the Joy. Peace. Love. @ Home advent calendar for parents
One My Little Box & One My Gambettes Box
from My Little Paris
How to receive these gifts? Take the fun quiz on the Parent Advent Calendar today and you could be the lucky ones to win the draw.
My Little Paris graces the life of 100 000 people worldwide with their monthly themed boxes. My Little Box reveals beauty products and lifestyle accessories and the Gambettes Box unveils 2 totally chic and unique legwear every month.
My Little Paris chooses it’s monthly themes with care so that surprise even means continuity, not chaos, so that you can fully delight in them.
November’s Box brought comfort, the kind you seek when lounging on a Sunday. Comfort for the face, the hands, for fun and for food.
Gambettes Box took an intellectual turn with leaf designs as you leaf through your books at the Sorbonne Library!
And December? Can’t unveil that box yet…or it would not be a surprise!
Invite Surprise @ Home = Relinquish some Control
“It’s been known for a long time that it’s unexpected events in particular that drive learning,” asserts Wael Asaad, assistant professor of neurosurgery at Brown University.
How about surprising the children, especially one that seems reticent to learn, with responsibility.
“Are you sure?” parents respond.
Many of the mothers and fathers who attend our workshops seek predictability. Control. Yet they find it slipping away.
As one father puts it, “The more I try to keep the kids in control, the more out of control I feel.”
Your Relationship-Building Surprise
Why not try a once-a-month relationship-building surprise. 🙂
Consider the “Smooth Morning Out the Door with a Smile” Theme
Select a Date
This is an exceptional event. Put it on the calendar for everyone to look forward to. Choose a weekend morning when there is less pressure to be on time.
Who wants to be in charge?
Invite a child to have the responsibility of getting out the door on time to a child. “Who would like to Be In Charge?”
Consider offering this to your most “problematic-in-the-morning” child. You’ll be surprised at ALL OF THE LEARNING you’ll do…and together!
Prepare when you are calm
With the date set in advance, you can help your child prepare.
Your child both knows and does not know what to do. Help her formalize the routine. “What needs to happen so that we get out the door well?”
Make it like a brainstorming together.
- “Honey, what do you want to remember for your ‘Morning I’m In Charge’?”
- “Remind me what needs to get done in the morning before we go…. Yes, we do need to choose clothes. Could that be done the night before or do we HAVE TO DO IT with blurry eyes?… You decide. You’re in charge.”
Gather Helpful Tools
“Darling, what could help you get the job done?
A buzzer to keep track of time?
A meeting of the family the night before where you remind everyone of what they have to do?
Waking up earlier?”
Let your child choose. She’s in charge.
Be a Gracious Follower
Remember the first times you prepared your babe to go out and forgot the extra diaper and the pacifier fell in the mud and….
Your child will probably face challenges and could even get frustrated because she has HIGH expectations.
Be the first one to behave as requested. Do what is asked of you…and try to refrain from doing more.
Allow your child to experience the challenge of herding a group out the door. THIS FRUSTRATION is part of the prize.
Once your children realize how much effort is required, they become more understanding and cooperative with you. ????
Review and Improve
“So, darling, what went well?”
Invite their self-evaluation and offer a few genuine positive observations as well.
Maybe it felt like a fiasco. Did you get out the door? Then share that. “Honey, we got out the door!”
Ask your child what she would like to do differently next time. Help keep it specific. If she asks you, offer ONE idea for change. Specific means doable, which means she could succeed next time.
One Mom’s Story
“Our second son was so contrarian. I felt like we were in a perpetual power struggle. By the time we got out the door in the morning, I was ready for a nap!
We tried this Mom-Son role switch.
Mr. Rebel was delighted. ”You’ll let ME be in charge, Mom?!”
He became a new person, Mr. Responsible, being conscientious with his job. In the middle of the preparation he realized this was work. “Can we switch back, Mom, and I’ll be the kid again?”
We encouraged him to follow through to the end.
The experience transformed our every day morning ritual. Firstly, the morning routine was clear in everyone’s mind. Our previously challenging son because the first one ready.”
Give and Get Respect
Today’s Gift on the Joy. Peace. Love. @ Home advent calendar for parents
The Gift of Respect Downloadable
from SoSooper
How to receive this gift? Download them here.
Respect is one of those words that, since we all know what it means, we rarely define it…or describe what it sounds like in our home.
It’s relevance reaches from marching for rights for your daughter to speaking to her with honor. Everyday. Especially when you are (justifiably) MAD.
Today’s gift provides a more effective way of resolving the conflict than through a one-sided “discussion” that leaves both parent and child frustrated.
R.E.S.P.E.C.T. The Parents
Every parent has had a conversation like this at some time:
Parent making a request to a child: “Darling, could you set the table please?” (or clean up your room, or put the video games away, or….)
Child: No response.
Parent: “Sweetheart?!”
Child chooses one of the following responses:
- Rolls eyes. Heaves a HEAVY SIGH.
or - “You ALWAYS pick on me. Why don’t you ask my brother?
He played too…”
or - “N.O.”
The parent, justifiably miffed and taking the child’s response personally, launches into a Thou-shalt-not-treat-thy-parent-with-disrespect Discourse.
“Hello?! This is your M.O.T.H.E.R. (or F.A.T.H.E.R.) you are talking to. You DO NOT speak to me that way. I do _____ for you and…blah blah blah. AND also…more blah blah. Do you hear me?”
You, the parent, feel like you did your job of correcting your child. It was a necessary, one-sided “discussion.”
The kid might mumble an apology or look down. Until the next time.
In the Child’s Mind
Yet what is this child thinking about his parent?
Is this the person he wants to turn to when he feels insecure?
When he knows he has made a mistake and is not quite sure what to do next?
How does he understand the meaning of respect? Does R.E.S.P.E.C.T. mean that children should speak politely to parents but mothers and fathers may rant and rave?
Does R.E.S.P.E.C.T. mean that children should speak politely to parents but not visa versa?!
Ouch!
Today’s gift provides a more effective way of resolving the conflict than through a one-sided “discussion” that leaves both parent and child frustrated.
It’s a gift where parents accept to stop the Grand Discourse upon the child’s request.
When will the child learn his lesson?!
In our Positive Discipline workshops, we role play these situations. A parent takes on the role of the child and is placed in front of parents who go on and on with instructions.
“I stopped listening,” is the most common response.
Chances are your child turned his ears off too as soon as you rampaged into your speech.
There is a time to broach the issue. When both parent and child are calm. That’s when you can connect and ask questions that uncover your kid’s motivations, beliefs, and expectations.
Today’s gift keeps a positive connection with your child SO THAT you can effectively address the bothersome issue fully and effectively.
How The Gift of Respect works
The Gift of Respect includes
- 3 “tickets” your children can use to ask you to stop lecturing. You can bring up the subject at another time, just not now and without a “talking-at.”
You’ll see on the Gift Certificates three phrases- Cool your jets
- Chill Out
- Gimme a Break
- 2 “tickets” you can use with your kids for the to S.T.O.P.
Every month, the child may “play” each of the “tickets.” Three times a month she can ask mother or father to please stop lecturing her.
Every month, the parent has two “stops” to play. No more last nab in the ribs of the sibling, no more eye roll or SIGH! An immediate halt to a stated misbehavior.
The Gift of Respect in Real Life
A mother was driving her son to a sports event and he was late…again. Mom, legitimately annoyed, started telling her son how FRUSTRATING it was to have to go through the same process. Every. Week. Again. & Again.
From the back seat she hears a quiet, “Cool your jets.”
Mom: “Honey, did you just say, ‘Cool your jets’ like ‘Mom, you are lecturing me. Please stop.’”?
Child: “Yup.”
Mom: “Oh.”
Mother notices then that she is seething interiorly…and realizes she is more in the mind frame of blaming her child for his misbehavior than she is in finding a solution to avoid it in the future.
DIFFICULT AS IT IS, she refrains herself and remains silent.
Of course, this issue still weighs on her mind. While her child is at sports practice, Mom realizes there must be an underlying reason to her son’s repeated tardiness.
That night, when tucking her son into bed, she sits by him and asks some questions
- “Honey, I have noticed that you are often the last one to be ready to leave. Have you noticed that too?”
- “What makes it difficult to be ready on time?”
- “What could help you be ready earlier?”
- “Which of these new ideas can you do on your own?”
- “How could I help you?”
Tough & Powerful
This mother concluded, “I have a love-hate relationship with this Gift of Respect.
I hate it when my lack of self-control is exposed. I hate it when I cannot have my way and just say what is on my mind.
And yet, I love it that my relationship with my children is transformed. We engage in rich discussions about character qualities; we did not have those before. I love it how the children seek me out to talk about sensitive issues like sex, drugs, and rock n’ roll, and friends, and parties…. I love not seeing those eye rolls anymore. I love how the children share their love for me when I act pretty unpleasant. Now they are the ones to tell me, ‘Can we talk about this later when we are both calm?’
We used the Gift of Respect for about two years. After that, our way of managing misbehavior had changed so we did not need it anymore.”
Le Respect Donnant Donnant
Le Cadeau du Jour sur le calendrier de l’avent Joy. Peace. Love. @ Home
Les Tickets Super-Dose de Respect
de SoSooper
Comment recevoir un cadeau ? Faites le quizz amusant du Calendrier de l’Avent pour Parents aujourd’hui, et vous pourriez être le chanceux qui gagnera le tirage !
Le respect est un de ces mots dont tout le monde connaît la signification mais que l’on définit rarement ou l’assimile à quelque chose dans notre maison.
Le cadeau d’aujourd’hui offre un moyen plus efficace de résoudre le conflit que par un Grand Discours sur le respect qui laisse le parent et l’enfant frustrés.
R.E.S.P.E.C.T.ez les parents
Tous les parents ont déjà eu une conversation comme celle-ci :
Un parent demande à son enfant :”Chérie, est-ce que tu peux mettre la table s’il te plaît ?” (ou ranger ta chambre, ou arrêtez de jouer aux jeux vidéos…)
L’enfant : Pas de réponse
Le parent : “Mon coeur?!”
L’enfant choisi une des réponses suivantes :
- Il fait les gros yeux. Il est avachi.
ou - “ Tu me choisi toujours. Pourquoi tu ne demandes pas à mon frère ? Il a aussi joué…”
ou - “N.O.N.”
Le parent, à juste titre fâché et prenant personnellement la réponse de l’enfant, se lance dans un discours où il lui dit : Tu ne dois pas manquer de respect à tes parents.
“Pardon?! C’est à ta M.A.M.A.N. (ou ton P.A.P.A.) à qui tu t’adresses. Tu ne peux pas me parler de cette façon. Je fais tout ça pour toi et … blabla … blabla… Est-ce que tu m’entends?”
Vous, le parent avez l’impression d’avoir fait votre travail en reprenant votre enfant. C’était une discussion nécessaire.
Votre enfant va peut-être marmonner des excuses ou alors baisser les yeux. Jusqu’à la prochaine fois.
Dans la tête de l’enfant
Que pense cet enfant de son parent ?
Est-ce que c’est vers cette personne qu’il se tournera quand il ne se sent pas en sécurité ?
Quand il sait qu’il a fait une erreur et qu’il ne sait pas quoi faire après ?
Comment comprend t-il le sens du mot respect ? Est-ce que le R.E.S.P.E.C.T. signifie que les enfants devrait parler poliment à leurs parents mais les mamans et les papas peuvent-ils toujours s’énerver contre eux ?
Aïe !
Le cadeau du jour offre un moyen plus efficace de résoudre les conflits que par une discussion qui laisse le parent et l’enfant frustrés.
C’est un cadeau où les parents acceptent d’arrêter le “grand discours” à la demande d’un enfant.
Quand est-ce que l’enfant va apprendre la leçon ?
Dans nos ateliers de Discipline Positive, nous jouons des jeux de rôle de ce genre de situations. Un parent prend le rôle de l’enfant et reçoit une tirade d’instructions.
“J’ai arrêté d’écouter” est la réponse la plus commune.
Il y a de fortes chances que votre enfant se bouche les oreilles avant même que vous ayez commencer votre discours.
Il est temps d’aborder le problème. Quand le parent et l’enfant sont calmes. C’est à ce moment que vous pouvez poser des questions qui révèlent des motivations, des croyances et des attentes de votre enfant.
Le cadeau du jour permet de maintenir un lien positif avec votre enfant afin que vous puissiez résoudre pleinement et efficacement le comportement désagréable.
Comment fonctionne les “Tickets de Respect” ?
Les “Tickets de Respect” incluent :
- 3 “tickets” que vos enfants peuvent utiliser afin de vous demander d’arrêter vos “grand discours”. Vous pourriez aborder le sujet plus tard, mais pas maintenant et sans discoures.
Sur ce document, vous trouverez trois phrases :- “C’est pas la fin du monde”
- “J’ai besoin d’air “
- “T’inquiète “
- 2 “tickets” que vous pouvez utiliser avec vos enfants pour leur dire STOP N.E.T.
Chaque mois, l’enfant peut jouer avec chaque de ses “tickets”. Trois fois par mois, l’enfant peut demander à sa maman ou son papa d’arrêter de lui faire la leçon.
Chaque mois, le parent a deux “Stops” qu’il peut utiliser. Fini les chamailleries entre frères. Plus de derniers mots. Stop !
Le Cadeau du Respect dans la Vrai Vie
Une maman conduisait son fils à un événement sportif et il était en retard… encore. La maman, légèrement agacée a commencé à dire à son fils comment c’était frustrant car c’était la même chose chaque semaine. Encore et encore.
De l’arrière de la voiture, elle entend, “J’ai besoin d’air”.
Maman : “Chérie, est-ce que tu viens de dire ‘j’ai besoin d’air’ pour me demander de me calmer ?”
L’enfant : “Ouais”
Maman : “Oh”.
La maman remarque qu’elle boue de l’intérieur. Après tout, elle a raison; son fils est toujours en retard.
Et elle se rend compte de sa colère et qu’elle n’avait pas l’esprit d’aider son enfant à trouver une solution pour son retard. Elle voulait lui donner une leçon!
Cela lui demande un GRAND effort, néanmoins elle se retient et n’aborde plus le sujet pour le reste du trajet.
Bien sûr, cette question pèse toujours sur sa conscience. Pendant que son enfant pratique son sport, elle y réfléchi et se rend compte qu’il doit y avoir une raison sous-jacente au retard répété de son fils.
Cette nuit, quand elle a mit son enfant au lit, elle s’assit à côté de lui et lui posa quelques questions.
- Chérie, j’ai remarqué que tu es souvent en retard en ce moment. Est-ce que tu l’as remarqué aussi
- Qu’est-ce qui te mets en retard ?
- Qu’est-ce qu’il pourrait t’aider à être à l’heure ?
- Laquelle de ces nouvelles idées peux-tu appliquer par toi-même ?
- Comment est-ce que je pourrais t’aider ?
Difficile & Puissant
Cette maman a conclu par : “J’ai une relation amour – haine avec ce cadeau du respect.
Je déteste quand mon manque d’autorité est mis au grand jour. Je déteste quand je ne peux pas le faire à ma façon et juste dire ce que j’ai en tête.
Et pourtant, j’adore que ma relation avec mes enfants évolue. Nous partageons énormément, nous ne faisions pas ça avant. J’adore quand mes enfants essaye de me parler de sujets sensibles comme le sexe, la drogue, le rock n ‘roll, les amis et les fêtes…. J’adore la façon dont les enfants expriment leur amour pour moi même quand j’agis plutôt désagréablement. Maintenant, ce sont eux qui me disent : “Est-ce qu’on peut parler de ça plus tard quand nous serons tous les deux calmés ?”
Nous avons utilisé le cadeau du respect pendant environ deux ans. Après cela, notre façon de gérer les crises et les mauvaises conduites a totalement changé et aujourd’hui nous n’en n’avons plus besoin. ”
Photo de Renato Mora sur Unsplash
See through Someone Else’s Eyes
Today’s Gift on the Joy. Peace. Love. @ Home advent calendar for parents
One hour of Family Coaching
with Jane Mobille, PCC Professional Certified Coach working with executives, individuals, and families
How to receive this 1 hour off on a Family Coaching session? Take the fun quiz on the Parent Advent Calendar today and you could be the lucky one to win the draw.
What is Family Coaching?
A family coaching session is a special kind of confidential conversation between a coach, and a family wishing to explore a specific issue causing tension among members at home. The coach receives the family with compassion, curiosity, and non-judgment. Each member of the family has the opportunity to share their perspective on the situation while the others listen. The coach leads the family in an exploration of choices and impacts. The goal is to come up with a few actions to implement in order to reach a solution which satisfies the needs of each family member.
As the teen shared with Jane in his text message: PHEW!
The Generational Paradigm Gap
Do you expect your children to share your priorities?
We often hope so. In an ideal world, the children would brush their teeth without needing reminding, they would be ready on time to go to school, and they would be motivated for school work and have a vision for their future.
Reality check.
Our children like to play, get distracted and want attention, and simple tasks can take forever to accomplish.
Parents and kids see the world through different lenses. This paradigm gap creates stress in families.
Today’s gift helps create bridges between the mother, father, and children’s perspectives.
Jane is a Professional Certified Coach (PCC) currently coaching executives at Kedge Business School and leading her own practice for executives, individuals, and families. She especially enjoys coaching teens and young adults as they build confidence, make intentional choices, and live a life of curiosity. Jane is a contributing author for the online magazine, INSPIRELLE, and editor of AAWE News.
In short, Jane excels in communication:
- listening,
- expressing herself,
- helping you and your children listen, and
- creating a safe environment to express yourselves.
What Does my Child See?
A friend, Vincent Cassigneul, recently took this picture
- Of a blurry Eiffel Tower
or - Of a clearly focused man taking a picture of the Eiffel Tower
Vincent chose to focus on the admirer of the Eiffel Tower in her flashing glory, as opposed to the monument herself. We usually see this majestic monument towering over Paris, occupying center stage.
Did he “get it all wrong”? Did I?
Or should we be asking a different question?
The Wife and Mother-in-Law go to Harvard
An optical illusion used by Stephen Covey further helps us understand that process.
In his book 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, Covey shares an example from a Harvard Business School class. Everyone was shown the same optical illusions. ONLY he had prepared people differently. One half of the class had previously seen a sketch of a haggard, old woman and the other half had been given a drawing of a chic lady.
Well, half the class found the woman in the optical illusion attractive and the other half quite the opposite. Tensions rose over the disagreement.
Finally, some students began to ask questions, and listen.
“See this line. That’s the old woman’s mouth.”
“Oh, for us it is the chic lady’s necklace!”
And exploration ensued until all the students could identify BOTH women depicted in the optical illusion.
Are you and your child at each other’s throats unnecessarily too?
Try asking questions to understand your child’s perspective.
A tool, like this optical illusion or Vincent’s photo (graciously made available to us, thank you), can help launch the discussion.
Parent to the child: “What do you see?”
Child answers.
Parent purposefully and playfully takes an opposing stand. “What?! This photo is NOT about the Eiffel Tower!” or “This is a drawing of ONE. O.L.D. woman.”
Let your child react.
Then explore.
“Tell me what you see and point with your finger.”
How to start?!
This conversation sounds easy, but it’s harder to launch in real life.
(That’s where Jane Mobille’s family coaching brings resolution to communication blockages and harmony returns to the family.)
Try starting these paradigm discovery conversations at home.
Want the Wife and Mother-in-Law optical illusion and the photo of the Eiffel Tower? Sign up here and we’ll send them to you tomorrow….along with the news of who won the Family Coaching special offer by Jane Mobille.
Jane can be reached at jam.atlantic@gmail.com
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