Mindset

What Motivates More: Encouragement or Complements?

Posted on 1 March 2019 5 March 2019 by Denise

Today, on the Day of Compliments, we may hear a few more, “Great Job!”

It’s like candy to the soul.

Question: Should we be feeding compliments and candy to our employees?!

Answer: YES and NO!!

Yes, Encourage Team Members!

People succeed better when they feel better.

This principle motivates many corporate happiness initiatives. Research asserts that a positive mindset

increases creativity (easier to find solutions to challenges),
communication (better listening), and
productivity (more energy).

Employees, like every human being, thrive when their needs for belonging and contribution to a meaningful purpose are met.

Research demonstrates that there is a positive and a destructive way of encouraging people.

Encourage by Noticing Progress

The research of Teresa Amabile of Harvard Business School indicates that progress ranks among the highest motivating factors for employees, whether it be advancement on small tasks or passing thresholds on major projects.

It’s easy to mark the moment when we sign on a new client. What kept the team motivated throughout the months preceding the closing of the deal? Noticing progress throughout the modest stages of the sales cycle feeds motivation too.

The “small” progress steps often go unnoticed. There is work ahead! Baby steps can seem insignificant.

And yet, Amabile asserts the positive impact on motivation that comes from recognizing progress.

Why not redefine complex projects into a series of quick wins?

Don’t Compliment. Use Encouragement.

Encourage by Focusing on Growth

Carol Dweck of Stanford University unearthed the notions of fixed and growth mindset. The way we interact with our team members can orient them towards the fixed or the growth mindset.

What are these mindsets?

The fixed mindset asserts that people have innate capabilities. Either you are good in math or you are not. Either you are creative or too bad.
Liken it to growing to a certain height. Once we have reached our adult height, we don’t get taller.
The growth mindset asserts that people can learn. All the time. No matter how much we already know.
Think of building muscle. We can always get stronger. Strength builds through regular exercise of multiple muscles in various ways.

What’s your mindset?

Try this quiz. For the six statements below, what mindset do they encourage? (Scroll to the end for results)

I’m so proud of you!
You really put a lot of effort into that!
I trust your judgement.
You did it the right way!
You are so talented!
You must be proud of yourself!

All of the above may sound positive. What’s the difference?

The fixed mindset comments provide extrinsic motivation (dependence upon an outside push).

On the other hand, the growth mindset ones generate intrinsic motivation (self-impulse).

Compliments vs. Encouragement

Jane Nelsen, doctor in education and founder of Positive Discipline, differentiates these as compliments (extrinsic motivation) vs. encouragement (intrinsic motivation). Nelsen likens compliments to candy.

Delightful as a treat. Unhealthy as a meal.
Addictive like sugar. Gives a quick rush…followed by need for more.

These semantics resonate with me in that compliments are given to people for having reached a result. Encouragement applies for people in work-in-progress…folk like ME!!!!

Our choice of words matters. Carol Dweck shares tips to encourage (vs. compliment) students. They apply to learners of all ages throughout life. Enjoy 😊

Encouragement that Works

One of my most memorable encouraging situations was during a training for ex-prisoners to gain emotional intelligent skills to take responsibility for their life.

At the close of our seven-week training (we met weekly for ½ day), my colleague and I wrote encouragement notes to each of the participants.

We carved out time to generate progress-centered, growth-focused encouragements. What does one say to someone who sits through each session with arms folded and barely speaks? How to respond to someone who repeats, “Everything is fine. Nothing to change.” when he is wearing an electronic bracelet and involved in a recovery program?

To be honest, the easiest response is critique: “Get real.” “Do something.”

These men (and you and I to a lesser extent) have been judged all their lives. Further criticism merely reinforces the status quo. We wanted to help them take one (or more) step forward.

Below are some of the encouragements we gave them. These life-roughened men were so to touched; they insisted on reading them all out loud. One man responded for the entire group, ”No one has ever spoken to us in this way!”

We noticed your ambition to start your own business and we encourage you in that goal. You can choose what kind of boss to be … and if you want it, you have the capabilities to be both firm and humane simultaneously.

We noticed your courage and your desire to change your life and we encourage you to take a first step towards professional training in preparation for your return to your family.

We noticed and appreciated your growing contribution to the group and hope you become aware of what you bring to others through your personality and ideas.

We appreciate your sense of responsibility that you demonstrated through your attentiveness to our groups’ comfort, your regular attendance, and the job you held in prison. We are confident you can put this skill to use as you embark on your job search.

We noticed your ability to assimilate the concepts and tools of Positive Discipline and constructive communication. We have every confidence that you will be able to implement them and be a good example for the people around you.

You have demonstrated a strong sense of belonging through your family life, your trade and your company. This gives us great confidence in you since a sense of belonging is a fundamental sign of a healthy life.

How do you speak to your employees? Especially those whose motivation you want to boost.

Click here to discover workshops to communicate constructively in your team.

Experts’ Research on Encouragement

Quiz Results

Compliments

Extrinsic motivation that points towards fixed mindset

I’m so proud of you! (Have to please the other person)
You did it the right way! (Only one correct way. Where is room for experimentation?)
You are so talented! (An inate quality)

Encouragements

Intrinsic motivaton that stimulates the growth mindset

You really put a lot of effort into that! (Focus on effort)
I trust your judgement. (Allows room for error and exploration)
You must be proud of yourself! (Focus on self-motivation)

44 Things to Love About Work

Posted on 13 February 2019 15 February 2019 by Denise

What does your job do for you? Have you shared what you appreciate with your boss or colleagues?

With Valentine’s Day coming up, love is in the air. What if you shared what you enjoy about work?!

Expressing Gratitude Makes You Happier

Dr. John Gottman, a relationship researcher since 1969 and founder of The Gottman Institute, coined the phrase “sentiment override.” It means that our feelings act as a filter when we receive information.

A positive sentiment override implies viewing the situation with potential. At work this could translate as giving the benefit of the doubt and not taking it personally when you overhear a team member moan, “What a rotten deal!” With a positive predisposition, this protest invites curiosity. Is this employee discouraged? Could something be amiss with a project or with the distribution of the workload?

Conversely, someone with a negative sentiment override distorts information to find the critique.

That employee always complains. This comment just proves the point.
Is this person expecting preferential treatment? Is he trying to squirm out of responsibility?
What a toxin to our team!

How can we build up our positive sentiment override? Through gratitude. Thankfulness protects folk from falling into the negative sentiment override.

44 Things to Appreciate about Work

How often do you express gratitude about your work? To your colleagues or boss?

Even if you hate dislike your manager or team members, and your situation is less than tolerable ideal, there is surely one aspect of work for which you can express genuine appreciation.

Authenticity is key. (Brown-nosing smells bad.)

Express sincerity by referring to a specific element of your work. Share the impact it has on your life. Some of these items we might take for granted. Imagine professional life without them. We have family members working for the US government. They used to expect a regular paycheck. After the first shutdown, getting paid on time is something for which they are thankful!

I was inspired by Maslow’s hierarchy of needs (survival, safety, belonging, esteem, and self-actualization) to come up with this gratitude list.

Getting paid
Predictability of income
A cafeteria which provides decent food at a reasonable price
Office space with a comfortable chair and a coffee machine
Cleaning crew that keeps the toilets (and the office) welcoming
A schedule – you know where to be when
Vacation time
Weekends without work
Evenings free to enjoy personal relationships and pursue hobbies
Benefits package, possibly including health insurance
Safe workplace
(Bye, bye asbestos and lead paint)
Harassment-free workplace
Colleagues
(Loneliness is a factor in the gig economy)
Smiling (!!) and likable colleagues
(Small gestures matter)
Diverse colleagues
(They stretch your learning and bring out your creativity)
A sense of belonging to a team
Having your ideas heard
People with whom to have lunch
Mentors to guide the way
Completing a job well
Clearly defined tasks
Responsibility for a specified task or mission
Recognition for your work
Respect from others
Tools (computer, phone…) to do your work
Helpful feedback about what you do well
Helpful feedback about ways to improve
Training in technical skills & personal development
Promotion track
Stretch jobs because your boss believes in your capabilities
Confidence from your boss and team mates
Invitation to lunch from your boss
Request for insight from a team mate
A raise or bonus
Congratulations as employee of the month
Participating in creating something from scratch
Having goals
Measurable progress in reaching your goals
Ability to help team members grow
A boss who has your back
Trust in your boss and team mates
A management that embodies the corporate values
Purpose-filled work
Contribution to the well-being of others or society

SAY “Thank You”

Thinking thanks is a first step. Expressing appreciate anchors the gratitude in your mind and creates connection with another person.

To whom will you share thanks about work? Spread the love you would like to receive.

Bond as a Team

Print the 44 Things to Love about Work worksheet and invite team members to pick theirs. Share appreciations at the next team meeting. It might even lead to a discussion of ways to further boost engagement at work.

Happy New Year !

Posted on 1 January 2019 5 January 2019 by Denise

It’s been a delight growing and learning together in 2018.

Looking forward to celebrating further successes together in 2019.

Sincerely, Denise Dampierre

Encouragement Tips from the Paris Marathon

Posted on 9 April 2018 14 April 2018 by Denise

Runners streamed through the streets of the City of Lights during the Paris Marathon. I was out there encouraging them to the full as marathon runners demonstrate character qualities I admire:

They have a goal
They train with discipline…even waking at 5:00 am to run before a full day at work
They persevere…for 42 kilometers straight

Friends shared about their marathon experiences in various cities. They especially rave about NY where the encouragers never sleep. Fans line the streets in all neighborhoods and boost the athletes on.

Our local encouragement remained discreet. Here is what I learned by cheering on the Parisian athletes.

Encouragement is Rare,
even Attention-Worthy

I walked along the Marathon route between kilometers 27 and 30, between the Eiffel Tower and Alma Marceau. Runners have just come through the tunnel where Princess Diana died in a car accident. It is dark and dreary; getting out is an uphill hike. The route continues to slope up slightly to the food and water stations by the Eiffel Tower.

It’s a tough leg of the race.

Active encouragers were so few and far between, that we became entertainment, even distracting attention away from the runners.

Admirers lined the road to watch quietly. From time to time a fan caught a glimpse of the runners they had come to support and burst into praise as they sped by. Then, back to silent admiration.

I, on the other hand, clapped avidly and repeatedly shouted out, “Hurray! Keep it up! What athletes!” to all of the runners. They are achieving an amazing feat. Some passersby rolled their eyes at me and snickered.

During my 90 minutes of cheering, I noticed one other person applauding as loudly as me; she wore an official Marathon Volunteer vest.

A band played marching music to boost the runners’ energy. A crowd gathered around them, turning their backs to the racers.

Check out the video where we hear the band and barely a sound from the crowd.

It’s like the onlookers delegated the role of encouragement to the few official volunteers and sporadic musicians.

Cheering on in a marathon differs from a soccer game or a tennis match.

We don’t know these athletes
Runners keep coming for hours which translates into cheering for the long-haul

Spurring on marathoners in Paris demonstrates that encouragement is a purposeful decision. It’s not something we do to follow the crowd.

Pouring courage into others will feel unusual and odd. The question for you and I becomes, “Is the value of helping another person be the best they can be worth our momentary discomfort?”

I believe it is…and I also believe the investment in the other person helps me grow wiser and happier too.

For you too. That’s why my paradigm-shifting workshops include activities on how to effectively encourage team members.

Encouragement is a Mindset

We find what we seek. Look for problems and challenges. They are there and easy to identify.

Positive qualities can be harder to identify. It takes a shift in perspective.

Think of hiking up a mountain. As you look forward, the peaks loom large and daunting. Yet, pause, and turn around and admire the view. How far you have already come!

Encouragement begins with looking for value in someone or their actions. Many of these attributes could be taken for granted or are visible through empathy and shared experiences

Effort
Persistence
Sacrifice
Intermediate successes
…

The marathoners could be viewed as sweaty-huffing-and-puffing-(sometimes-struggling)-runners. They can also be perceived as toned athletes, champions in discipline, and goal achievers.

Encouragement is Substantive

Critics deride praise as vacuous and without substance. Avoid that trap.

Real and useful encouragement is grounded in truth and reality so that it effectively pours courage into another person.

Admittedly some words get overused and misused.

“You’re awesome,” said to everyone and anyone and no matter what the context sounds insincere.

“Awesome effort,” shouted out to a runner who has progressed 30 kilometers recognizes an accomplishment.

Encouragement in Practice

Here is how I tried to make my Paris marathon encouragement purposeful, empathetic, and substantive

Acknowledge an effort or a behavior
Think of children who call out, “Look at me.” They are hoping to hear, “I see you.”
“What an athlete!”
“Look how far you have come!”
“You made it through the tunnel!”
“Still smiling!!!!”
Orient to the next step (not the next twenty steps ????)
“There is water and food at the Eiffel Tower.”
“Keep it up.”
Link Past Achievements to Confidence in Future Performance
Sometimes that’s simply combining the first two practices together
“You have come so far! You can keep going.”
“You survived the tunnel. Keep it up with the sunshine and the great view.”

Be an Encourager

Who needs encouragement around you? A demoralized colleague, a worried (and possibly nagging) spouse, a misbehaving child, or an ageing parent? Try noticing one thing they do well. Want help to know how? Click to send me a note.

Maybe YOU are the one in need of encouragement. Notice and share one thing that you have done well too. If you stick to the facts, it’s not boasting.

Yesterday was sunny and warm and our house was filled with friends. Today the skies are grey and work progresses with two steps forward and one step back. I’ll focus on the two steps forward…that helps me keep going.